#3;3P1`Delphine

This is bad. REAL bad.

2010-08-07T22:35:00.002+08:00

If you can't love the one you love, love the one who loves you.

It's mean. And I've always known that.

You're playing with fire again. What the hell, seriously. Haven't you learnt from your lesson previously when your fingertips got burnt? Was the burning process too mild that you decided to try again? Did you think that nothing would go wrong this time? You're wrong. You can't be more wrong than this. I mean, don't you understand? You should be learning from experience. You shouldn't be trying it out anymore. You shouldn't hurt the ones you care for. You shouldn't. Really.
Gosh, I'm in a mess. Can I be more messed up than this?

In love, you can never make a wrong turn. You can never fall too deep and you can never climb too high cause sometimes.. No matter how much you love someone, they will never love you back and sometimes.. You have to learn to be okay with that. Then there will always be this one person. This one special person that no matter what they do to you, you can never let go of them and that stinks cause.. it’s not fair.

How can you make me fall in love with you but not love me back?

It sucks. It sucks BIG TIME.

Learning to overcome.

2010-07-19T20:47:00.002+08:00

There a limit as to when my bottle is too full to fill anything else in. It's the time I feel like breaking down, after all the accumulated moments where I hold it back in. But the same thing always repeats like a broken recorder. I'd never in my life be able to cry when I'm hurt emotionally. I'd stay like that, without tears, and eventually I'd be so miserable I'd just keep away from the world. It's the kind of shit that happens; the kind I would like to avoid, to push to the ultimate back of the mind cause I know I'd never be able to get rid of it.
I've always been able to handle this independently. It won't be different this time round. What's different is the people around me, I'm clear of who are the ones who are true to me. This time round, I'm thankful to those who made me laugh, to made me less painful. What's different is that more shit was added, how your swings made me confused, how I learnt to overcome that.
I don't want to be unhappy everyday and yet have to pretend I'm not, to fake my positiveness. I want it to come naturally. I've learnt to face the music, to endure whatever pain taking the least time possible. That way, at least I'd overcome it; at least I won't suffer through other days.

My 徒弟 is ♥-ed (:

2010-07-08T16:14:00.002+08:00

Things are getting out of hand. I don't mind, 'cause that's how I always have been. But I'm very sure not everyone knows about how my personality is. I mean, I don't get in touch with every single one of them; I don't even know some of them. It's natural for them to think too much. Gosh, I hope I didn't get him into too much trouble.
People who don't express their real emotions are the people I'm kinda afraid of, cause I don't know their opinion of me. I don't want to cause him to be in the midst of the rumour, I didn't mean to, anyway. Well, hope he's coping well. LOL. Or maybe, I'm thinking too much, maybe these will do him good. HAHAHAHA. OKAY, I THINK IM OFFICIALLY CRAZY (:
Life goes on, I know.
I KNOW. OHMYGOD. GOING TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY AND HEARING HIS NAME ONCE THE VOLLEYBALLERS COME INTO CLASS. YES, I GET IT. IT'S LIFE. HAHAHAHHAHAHHAA. I don't understand the fuss; maybe I'm too friendly (once again, reminded of the lecture I once had).
You know, I feel very much better after talking to him. Yeah, thanks, 徒弟♥
At least now I know I'm not alone; I don't have to take all this stuff alone (:

loves;delphine.

Miranda Cosgrove - About you now

2010-05-02T15:51:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm wrong, you decide
Should've been strong, yeah I lied
Nobody gets me like...you

Couldn't keep hold of you then
How could I know what you meant?
There was nothing to compare to

There's a mountain between us
But there's one thing I'm sure of
That I know how I feel about you

[CHORUS:]
Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now

All that it takes, one more chance
Don't let our last kiss be our last
I'm out of my mind, just to show you

I know everything changes
I don't care where it takes us
Cause I know how I feel about you

[CHORUS:]
Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now

[BRIDGE:]
Not a day, pass me by
Not a day, pass me by
When I don't think about you
And there's no moving on
Cause I know, you're the one
And I can't be without you

[CHORUS: (x2)]
Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now

But I know how I feel about you now
Yeah I know how I feel about you now

I'm th rain. I bring happiness and joy; sadness and hatred.

2010-05-01T12:54:00.001+08:00

I'm bad at crossroads.
Say, what should I do when I meet one then?

2010-05-01T11:55:00.003+08:00

Ohmygod. This video is just so cute. I freaking LOVE Cody and her cuteness and her reaction when she saw Justin Bieber. He's starting to seem nice too. HAHA.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. SHE IS SO CUTE! AND THAT HUG! LOL!
Okay, I've going crazy. HAHAHAHA

2010-04-23T19:31:00.003+08:00

OhMyGod.
I hope you're not talking about me. I hope you've moved on. That day, last year, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to break my heart into two and then give it to two people. I was stupid; foolish. And I seriously hope it's over. Those days I was afraid you would find out, Those days I was sad when you found out, and those days we ignored each other. It's over, ain't it? It's my fault, it ain't yours. We shouldn't be snatching over this, but it's all mine. I'm not regretting the first advance I made, I just regretted I made it known too fast. Perhaps I should have confirmed the feeling, before I even said it out. Because of your reply, I turned away, ashamed. And because of that, I got distracted.
We're friends.
Of course we are.
I'm just sorry it took me this long, to give you a reply.

What's the use?

2010-04-23T18:45:00.003+08:00

&; Multiple times.

Yawns. So, some small information: I decided to clear my tagboard away cause I feel vry pathetic without tags for a very long time. I doubt anyone is even reacing my blog. So yeah.

Last Friday[16.04.10]: @ Joel's house. Completely fun.
Last Saturday[17.04.10]: @ Scrabble Competition. Completely nerve wrecking, though my team did win all 3 rounds each, which adds up to 15 wins.
Yesterday[22.04.10]: @ Chinese. Test. @ Physics. Test. @ Guides. I and Eileen can't do drills cause of eczema, so we went to the Haven to pack up a little then settle down to do homework. Then it started raining heavily, even when I was waiting to take 300. And this time, 300 took a freaking long time to arrive, and I was drenched.
Today[23.04.10]: @ Social Studies. Like usual, boring. @ Physics. Mr Nicholas purposely ignore me when I raise my hand. AGAIN. Many other KP stuff but I'm not going to relate to the whole world about my misfortune. Just my luck to have made enemies with him. Pffft. @ English. uhh, I forgot what happened, but it was funny. (Marvin kept goping my grape mentos, cause he said it was damn nice. 'v' ) @ Literature. Idk why, I was rather pissed off during this lesson. And then Ming Ee has to just start being irritating and pass notes to Rannald Sim. I was seriously pissed off, for no reason. Stupid mood. @ Robotics. Went there, had some kinda meeting. Then Extra arrived. The holy arrival and start of my misery. (Y) 'kkays, nothng interesting. Except that I uncovered some bad news ( to me ). Sigh.

And so I realized ; Being friendly is also a bad thing.

Sometimes, she can't help but just stop and think.

Is he worth my tears?

They say that the person who makes you cry ain't worth it, and the one who is won't make you cry. How can she trust that when there are so many cases of broken hearts that can never heal? To her, love ain't a game. Everyone says that love hurts. But she thinks otherwise. Loneliness; Rejection; Losing someone hurts. In reality, she knows that L-O-V-E is the only thing in the whole wide world that can cover up all the pain and broken cracks, and make her feel wonderful again. But after he appeared in her life and turned things upside down, she ain't sure anymore.
How can she, when he's perfect for her, yet unsuitable at the same time?

They say, follow your heart. What happens when both your heart and mind is against each other and their arguements make total sense to you? So sometimes, following your heart ain't the right choice always. There's always bound to be obstacles.

But she, she chose to follow her heart.

And see what happened to her now.

Dear Diary;

So what if I had make the choice of facing up?

Is there any difference between us compared to the past? No. Are there any improvements? No. Do we talk? No. Sure, we had fun. But besides that, did we even communicate? Nah. The answer? No.

Okay, so tell me what's the use of facing up to my problems when even facing up doesn't help solve the problem. What's the difference then?

I've heard a lot about you, I've seen much of you. But I don't know which is the real you. How can you be one person, with three different characters at the same time? So you claim 'that', but was 'that' just an excuse to avoid a face-to-face confrontation with me? I realized we were closer previously. When I would see you and talk to you, instead of now.

OhMyGod.

You caught my eye.

2010-04-17T22:38:00.006+08:00

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I have no clue as to when it happened. It just did. Is that a good enough reason? I never planned to fall for you. Even if I did, I never planned to fall this deep 'cause I'm a bad swimmer. I drown easily and, in this ocean; this ocean of emotions; I have no chance in coming out alive.
&; so then I realized, perhaps in your heart, I'd never be able to take their place. Your friends will always come first, or am I wrong? Oh please, you don't know how much I wished that was true, how much I hoped that I had made the wrong inference. You don't know me well enough, do you?

I'd never admit it.

I stay awake at night, pondering over what I said to you. Maybe that was wrong, judging from your response. I've been hurt too many times, I decided to give up completely. Your existence merely awakened my desire. Desire; now what is it? Is it that something that makes an ant attracted to sugar? Butterfly to scent? Or perhaps, me to you?

But deep down, I know it's true.

Where did I go wrong? That message, the first one I sent to you completely changed me. It led me to knowing you, to understanding you, to befriending you. Those talks, those laughter, did it mean nothing to you? It certainly meant something to me. I don't know if I'm reading to much, but yet at the same time, I have this phobia that I am.
Falling in love is a strange thing. Fall in love with caution, that my rule. Love is like a double edged sword. Someone can make you feel like everything and nothing in a matter of seconds. Love is scary. Love is evil. Love is, love. Once someone hurts you and breaks your heart, you start to have this phobia. A phobia that everyone you get close with will break your heart into a gazillion little pieces too and then just walk away without looking back. I have that phobia. I wonder what it’s called in scientific terms.

How would you ever know?

Aloof, that's not the word. Sure, you're outgoing. You weren't like that in the past, but things can change in a matter of a few seconds, so what about months? I'm getting confused by the second. I'm jealous that we can't have what I can have with other people. The comfortable feeling of randomly crapping without worrying that I might say something wrong and embarrass myself. Is perfection that important? Perfection sucks. Because of that, we make ourselves out to be so fake. That's the reason why I like to hang around your friends with you, cause that's when you are yourself, and I can also comfortably be myself. Who cares about embarrassing ourselves? Oh please, just forget all that rules of humiliation.

Should I not?

The memories I have with you, it consists of you, your friends, your smile, your face and the way you hold your tummy when you laugh uncontrollably. Those good memories never fail to flood my mind, most of the time that's why I space out. I shouldn't, knowing that I'm not ready for anything. You told me that too, you're not interested. So perhaps you're just being friendly, just like how I was at first. Until I realized I was only a step away from the bottomless pit.

_________________

Dear Diary;

What happened to Fairytales?

So it seems, fairytales never fail to end with happy endings.

But I'd never trust them. 'Cause fairytales never let you know what happens after the ending.

And sometimes, I wonder what happens.

One word: Frustrated.

2010-04-15T23:11:00.004+08:00

Three's a crowd.

I know it ain't your fault, but somehow, it just is. I'm not trying to be ureasonable. But I somehow feel that you're slowly avoiding me. Sure, this matter can be easily resolved when I decide against doing what I at first intended to do. But what now?
Your attitude. It's cute. It seems to change according to my mood. When you kinda sense I'm not happy, you'd try to give in to me. Is that right? You're in a spot.
Now the time has come.
For me to face up.

Should I forward bravely and hide my fears, or hide from you like a cowardy wimp?

& so here I am, waiting again.

2010-04-13T19:11:00.002+08:00

Today, someone asked if I missed you.

I didn't answer but simply close my eyes and walk away,

whispering "so much".

I don't know if I should hate you or trust you.

Someone told me, the opposite of L-O-V-E ain't hate, but indifferent.
That's cause when you hate someone, you actually care about feeling hatred for him, you actually want him to think that you have no feelings for him anymore. That ain't the case most of the time. We usually give up on things we think we're not meant to be with.
Watching you change in front of my eyes hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it finally will be when the right one comes along.
The Chinese saying goes, "有缘无份". That's the case for us, ain't it? We hardly coincide with each other. Most of the time, we don't bump into each other. It always seeing you from afar, smiles replacing words, exchanging feelings through media. This kinda sucks.
I hate to admit, but maybe this is for real. It feels weird, but I don't know how to differentiate this feeling from the others.
或许我又再做梦了。或许事情的真相并不是我想象的那样。但我依然还是希望我所判断的是对的。为什么对我与众不同呢？又为什么要接近我呢？为何我身边的人都认为你对我有好感，但我却不敢真心面对呢？可能我经历太多了，认为你的行为只不过是朋友之间的亲近。但我却又不敢开口问。就那么一句话；我一看到你，脑里乱得很。这可还是第一次，我没胆告诉一个人我的真心。
I didn't think you understood my sms'es. Sure, I might be like that open to people I sms, but I'm trying to cut it down with others now, to show you what I mean. I'm blunt, I'd say I wanna see you or whatever, and you did that too. But do you understand my real meaning?
What I meant was, I'd wait for you.
Maybe I'm hoping you'd understand, but a little smart part of me tells me this ain't gonna work out. 'Cause everything might be ruined if you know.
So perhaps, just perhaps, I'd rather you not know...

When faced with two choices, toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping for.

2010-04-06T22:27:00.003+08:00

Which reminds me, yesterday was Joel's Birthday. thus,

HappyBelatedBirthday, JoelKer @ 5April (:

I think this is the eighth time I said this already. Oh well.

Moody.

2010-04-06T21:23:00.003+08:00

Once a diamond is scratched, it can be polished to be as shiny as ever. If it's scratched the second time, it can be polished again, and so on. But one day you'd realize, even though the Diamond is as shiy as ever, it's carat is getting smaller and smaller. It doesn't stay the same way at all.
___
I'm seriously moody these few days. Why? I have no idea. It just hits me, and I just change all of a sudden.
Classes are getting more boring by the day. My partner ain't talking much, the teachers are boring cause I can't talk freely with them. Books are starting to irritate me, worksheets getting more stranger by the day. Formulas float past my mind. _I_
I'm damn irritated okay.
Okay. Nevermind. I don't make sense. I think I'm starting to get the Ming Ee disease. Sigh.

___

Ths is weird. I think I get what you mean. Maybe I should stop hoping.

Happy April's Fool!

2010-04-01T23:45:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of the games you're playing.

Hey Arpil's Fool people!
Damn, I'm so shacked. The guides proposal kept me going on. Sigh.
____
Today was, funny? PE, four P2 guys came to our class. And no one realized anything. Anyway, we had badminton lessons. I was partnering Daryl, but later somehow, she wanted to change. So I played with WeiCheng, that cheater who kept hitting softly. ROAR.
I couldn't stand it, so I forced Daryl to change Marcus over. Ohkay, I admit my aiming is horrible. I can't serve well enough. That's damn sad. I kept making Marcus laugh with my horrid skill. Haha. Ohkay, that's PHAIL.
Daryl pangseh me for WeiCheng luh. Second round, partnered Marcus again, and instead of following the "schedule", we just continued playing. Damn own.
Then recess time, but we just continued playing. I played with Fahmi, and I got owned terribly. We played until my hands were wobbling. Haha.
_____
April's Fool prank wasn't very successful. Haha.
After school, ate with Jane, then fall-ed in for Guides. Headed off to the National Museum.
Stupid bus was jerking all the way. Anyway, I was Rachelle's Model for the day, and I posed unglamly for all the shots. Haha.
It's rare that I was in a good mood, of course I had to extend it to everyone else :D
Hahahaha.
Im horribly tired.
Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

喜欢你，根本不需要原因。

Damn you, migraine.

2010-03-31T21:22:00.003+08:00

I have found the best way to lie : to just keep my mouth shut.

Hello, I'm back. Welcome-d, not?
Chemistry test today. I'm sure I'd flunk.

Stupid migraine. Damn you to hell.

Homework is piling up.

After school, we(Daryl, MingEe, Glenn, Elaine, etc) waited outside 3P2 for Francisca, to wait to give her, her birthday present. Nice pair of earphones. (: There was a blackout again. This morning there was one, another one when school was about to end. Why does it seem to only happen at out pathetic level? Even the secondary fours were not affected. That's so bloody unfair, ohkay.

Headed off to cafe for my "lunch", and ohkay, the cafe aunty was scolding her helpers again. Yeouch. Sorry I can't do anything, I felt so bad. Elaine and me sat down, crapped, and laughed a lot. :X

Then we headed off to iBand, we chionged the performance. I kinda made one mistake, but I don't care. After all, it's the last performance already. Get it done, and over with.

We finished, and headed off to library resource room to watch the Inconvenient Truth. That show POOWNZ, okay. El Gore ownz.

Elaine left, YiXin left. Show ended @ 415, Dawn left. Marvin, Fahmi and Yuzhuang were with me. Of course, the usual routine of insulting me started. Tagged along with them as they went to the basketball court. Saw DarylTZJ and others, and started crapping while the guys played basketball.

Glenn left, Kahwei left, some others left, Joel left.

Then some random guy/fumer started fuming the whole basketball court area, and we all escaped unscathered. Went home, head aching like siao, rushed proposal, and finally finished blogging. Off to get my sleep.

It's damn sad, that you play along when you don't mean anything.

SPEECH DAY! (:

2010-03-27T14:44:00.004+08:00

Yesterday's speech day was, interesting and a little boring?
Rachelle and Tommy had the of sitting together, and then everyone starting saying I was being very bright and I got pissed off at them. You don't have to repeat it everytime you see me. I already know, okay?
___
CO's performance was nice.
Prize presentation.
Choir.
___
After that, we (Tomy, Rachelle and me) got a drink. Which spilled onto me and my bag and my shirt and my shoe, thanks to Rachelle. Yeah, thanks dude (Not that sarcasm.) Then, we got food and went to the study area to eat. Jeshrei and Roy followed us and we started crapping around. Food finished, changed our shirts, and headed off to the front court when they started to play their basketball.
Joel went home.
Ming Ee went home.
DarylTHT and Siying chased after Ming Ee.
Then after a while, the uncle started to chase us away from the basketball court. Damn sad. So we (same 3) went to lot one to eat. Finally settled down at mac. and ate. And got my handphone pouch stained with CHILLI SAUCE. eeewwwyuckkkk! It stinks.
Then mom came to lot one, went to find her and dad and we headed off to pizza hut for dinner (:
Then.
HOME SWEET HOME!

Im trying very hard,

not to scare you away.

Homework Homework.

2010-03-16T22:59:00.002+08:00

March Holiday Homework.

Geography

Ten Year Series: 2.1 2.2 2.3 (1)4-Qn6

Workbook: ~~6.3~~ ~~6.4~~ 6.5

Elementary.M

~~ReviewQn: 2 4 6 8 10 11 12~~

Log onto Heymath

Chemistry

~~Worksheet~~

Physics

~~Worksheet~~

Additional.M

Worksheet

Chinese

~~Worksheet~~

Lian Bi

Good me, I finish 5/9 homework. Oh well, I think there's more than 9, but I can't be bothered to write all down. That's all for now.
Toodles.

请原谅我的不告而别吧。

Yesterday.

2010-03-16T16:38:00.003+08:00

Yesterday sure as hell was fun.
Basketball was fun. Daryl, Joyce, Kahwei, Ian, Ming Ee, Leon, Jeshrei turned up. But in the end, Jeshrei&Leon went off. Anyway, the bad news was that, I got labelled as rough, after a few rounds of playing. Sigh.
Went to mac after we finished paying, slacked, before taking LRT home with KahWei&Ian.
Shacked.
Totally.

You weren't there.

NoTITLE.

2010-03-10T22:21:00.003+08:00

Today was hilarious. What a nice change.
I could totally just doze off during Chem lesson. I was seriously trying to keep myself awake, but my head kept dropping. 钓鱼, ChenAnn said. Like, totally.
MT period was slacking and talking like always.
CME. We got back our result slips. Rachelle and Shireen and officially my targets. Watch me, I'd beat them. Then, we headed off to the hall for Aces day stuff. Seriously, the guys behind me and DarylTHT were like totally high. Throughout th last part of the period, they kept adding background music to the song.
SS. I could totally sleep through this class. I mean, does Ms Wu even care? With Cedric effing pissing me off, I seriously had no mood to listen in class. I think I kinda slept through last ten minutes or something.
______________________
Groove It was boring.
After GI, I met Daryl at the basketball court and plopped down on the ground while she played. Those 45 minutes I watched them play was totally epic. I mean, add how they try to aim in from a far distance away and the totally funny end-result, and you get a totally hilarious scene. KahWei left to buy a drink, and when he came back, we were like all asking the drink from him. And after we drank from his straw, he promptly wiped it clean with his PE shirt..
415 arrived and we left to meet our geography teacher. She was kinda pissed at us for not choosing the question to consult her, but still.
After consultation, we went back to the court again. Kinda crapped with Daryl&HongCho before we left at 545PM, after I successfully dragged KahWei along with us to get home. Joe En left with him also. They went to 7-11, KahWei bought a drink, the topic of condoms was brought up, and I'm sure DarylTHT learnt some "useful lessons". Me being me, of course I drank from KahWei's drink again. (:
We walked to Lot One and I refused to let KahWei walk to South View. so they had to walk to Lot one with me. When we reached, we "split" as they started to walk with HongCho&DarylTHT to South View.

I knew the end result,

that only confirmed it more.

Was that move neccessary?

Couldn't you have spared me?

What happened?

2010-03-08T15:44:00.002+08:00

I apologize for losing my sane mind; leaving me with my insanity.

I'm looking at you. You're looking at me. But we don't speak. Nothing happens, and I revert my eyes away. That was yesterday.
But today. I saw you. But I doubt you even noticed my presence. It's as if nothing happened between us, like time has reversed, to previously when we don't even know each other well.
The pang of pain clawing furiously at my heart forbids this, wanting me to stay, to go forward and change things. But my mind says, let it go 'cause it was never mine to begin with.
I chose to listen to my mind, because my heart could only take that much pain.
I let it be, I distanced myself from you. We don't acknowledge each other's presence now, and I realized that I was always the one acknowledging yours.
We were so close; I could just turn and see you already. But you were that far. i felt like that six words from you changed me. It hurt me, it sure did stab me. I willed myself not to turn around to face you, I chose to listen to the constant blabbering beside me, chose to laugh when a joke arouse, just to hide my hurt.

Baby, you have become my addiction ; oxo

It doesn't work.

2010-03-06T22:51:00.002+08:00

I’m not the type to get my heart broken

I’m not the type to get upset and cry

Cause I never leave my heart open

Never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don’t get deep to me

Never got the whole in love thing

If someone could say love me truly

But at the time it didn’t mean a thing

____

Prehook:

My mind is gone

I’m spinnin’ around

And deep inside

My tears I’ll drown

I’m losing grip

What’s happening?

I stray from love

This is how I feel

____

Chorus:

This time was different

Felt like I was just a victim

And they cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I’m in this condition

And I’ve got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

____

Did it happen when we first kissed?

Cause its hurting me to let it go

Maybe cause we spent so much time

and I know that it’s no more

I should have never let u hold me baby

Maybe why I’m so sad to see us apart

I didn’t give it to u on purpose

Gotta figure out how u stole my heart

____

Prehook:

My mind is gone

I’m spinnin’ around

And deep inside

My tears I’ll drown

I’m losing grip

What’s happening?

I stray from love

This is how I feel

____

Chorus:

This time was different

Felt like I was just a victim

And they cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I’m in this condition

And I’ve got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

____

How did I get here with you?

I’ll never know

I never meant to let it get so personal

And after all I tried to do

To stay away from love with you

I’m broken-hearted

I can’t let you know

And I Won’t Let It Show

You won’t see me cry

____

Chorus x3:

This time was different

Felt like I was just a victim

And they cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I’m in this condition

And I’ve got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

____
Now I’m in this condition

And I’ve got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

____
All my life

***

I have no idea what to think anymore.

When I'm sad, people will automatically tell me to cheer up. But don't they understand that the two words "cheer up" doesn't work for me anymore? These two words are like the politically correct words to use automatically whenever I'm sad. But these two words carry no meaning anymore. They're just empty words that can do nothing.

Those words you said, seem to be etched deep into me. Carved into my mind. Those 6 words.

__ ___ _____ _____ ___ _______.

Yeah, it kinda changed my perspective. It made me understand why people could feel sad when words hurt them.

I know something now. That people being happy, ain't because their life is finally perfect. It's because they have decided to see beyond imperfections. Perhaps I'm not into that stage yet, perhaps I'm not ready for that yet. I'm still harping on the past, something that I can't change.

I don’t understand at all why they simply call this feeling a heartbreak. Because to me, it feels like every part of my body is broken too.

OhMyBloodyblabbergoodnessGOD

2010-03-04T15:51:00.003+08:00

I'm officially addicted to blogging once again. Well, a pleasure.

Suddenly, I realize typing makes me feel really really better. Anyway, FYI, I totally detest PhysicalEducation. Today I was so frickin out of breath that I kept stopping.

___

Amath was screwed. I totally ALMOST blew my top and get myself into big big horrid trouble. I have to attend anger management lessons already. I repeated a lot of times to myself, don't jerk back, don't jerk back, don't jerk back. It's not worth it. It's not. A lot of times in fact, before I jerked back. Seriously. I tried to control already. Gaaah. I mean, if the seating arrangement was arranged by our form teachers, why should you keep harping on it?

Damn.

ROAR.
I forgot what I want to post. Shall post later when I remember.

2010-03-03T19:16:00.003+08:00

Takin' Back My Love (Feat. Ciara) - Enrique Iglesias

Go ahead just leave,

Can't hold you,

You're free

Here, take all these things,

If they mean so much to you

I gave you your dreams

'Cause you meant the world

So did I deserve

To be left here hurt?

___

You think I don't know

(uh huh)

You're out of control

(uh huh)

And then I'm finding all of this from my boys

Girl, you're stone cold

(uh huh)

You say it ain't so

(uh huh)

You already know I'm not attached to material

___

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

My love.

___

Yeah

What did I do but give love to you?

I'm just confused as I stand here and look at you

From head to feet

All that's not me

Go 'head, keep the keys

That's not what I need from you

___

You think that you know

(I do)

You've made yourself cold

(Oh, yeah)

How could you believe them over me?

I'm your girl

You're out of control

(So what?)

How could you let go?

(Oh, yeah)

Don't you know I'm not attached to material?

___

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

___

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

___

So all this love I gave you, take it away

(Uh, uh huh)

You think material's the reason I came

(Uh, uh huh)

If I had nothing would you want me to say

(Uh, uh huh)

You keep your money, take it all away

___

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

___

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

___

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

Ooh, my loveOoh, my love

They were lies, ain't it?

2010-03-03T17:37:00.005+08:00

2/3/10
I was totally pissed off by her today. I really couldn't stand the way she flares her temper, gives us that face and expect us to do what she says. Mutual respect, heard of that? I bet you haven't. But she really pissed me off. I was only talking to Daryl, okay, perhaps you want peace. But for heaven sake, rebuking us is just making yourself seem less likable. Didn't you realize that in the first place?
Why do we have to see your face? Why is it any business that I talk? I want to talk to Daryl, KahWei or Marcus, is it any business of yours? I dont have the book and you chide me. And your sarcastic tone when you said I was a councillor, can't you be more polite?
OH GOSH.
I did that thing, Daryl and Marcus should know I think, and got Daryl laughing. But oh well, that really made me heave a sigh of relief, as if something tugging at my chest was thrown off. It felt good.
Perfectly good.
____

Why ain't you replying?

_
_
3/3/10
Wow.
So seats are changed. I was totally so close to my death. At first MsChew told JiaHeng to change with me, and he was seated beside HongCho. VERY VERY CLOSE to sitting beside HongCho.
Luckily, cause the class made a lot of "sounds", she decided to put me beside Chen Ann. I don't mind, cause at least Daryl is shifted to behind me (:
I already predicted that they would shift me away from Rachelle. I mean, it's really predictable. Well, I don't mind my current seating, cause at least I'm comfortable.

Hope MingEe cheers up.

After school, we had groove it.

___

How could you choose to believe them over me?

BLOODYHELL.

2010-03-01T15:34:00.003+08:00

Comparisons are easily done

Once you've had a taste of perfection

Like an apple hanging from a tree

I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

-Katy Perry

Ugh. Im starting to build up a fiery temper in me.

Physics is screwed. I mean, only four (plus/minus) people passed Physics in our class. Whatthedamn? Seriously. And I failed it by two marks. One of the question was supposed to be a trick question, but I got so pissed off with it.

Question:When pure water freezes to ice, it's molecules:

~~A. Move closer and stop moving completely.~~

B. Move closer and move at lower speed.

C. Move further apart and vibrate at fixed positions.

~~D.Move further apart and continually change places with nearby molecules.~~

Of course A&D can't be the answers. But why? Why is the freaking answer C? I put B. It's obvious that when liquid changed state to solid, intermolecular forces becomes stronger and thus, molecules move closer together, vibrating at fixed positions. But the explanation given was : This is a trick question. When water becomes ice, 10% makes it increase in size. Thus, it expands and move further apart.

I mean, what kind of damn explanation is that?

All the freaking while, they have been teaching us that nothing changed when solid>liquid or liquid>solid. So now they start saying stuff like, ice increases in volume, or you should have learnt this is primary school or lower secondary science.

THAT IS BULLSHIT! Seriously.

Then the freaking question about Jupiter&Earth. How would Iknow that Jupiter is bigger than Earth? You're trying to make us assume.

Do not A-S-S-U-M-E, that's what every teacher is trying to tell us. We have to have proven evidence. So now, you're telling me to assume. Whatthe~~damned~~crap?

And somemore, there's no info, nothing, about Jupiter. Hello, for god's sake, we're not learning about solar systems now, so just give us the damned info already. It's wrong to say it's common sense to know all about solar systems, since we're not even REQUIRED to know it. So, whatthecrap?

_____

Anyway, the I♥you crap on facebook got me into so much trouble. The funniest thing was that at first, for the first 100 over comments, they were all guys. Say, ain't guys curious? (:

But anyway, no. I don't like anyone. Even if I did, Im not giving you the honour to know. *smiles*

Hey, darling♥

Ihavetogetthisoffmychest.

2010-02-27T17:21:00.004+08:00

I've been waiting just to drive you crazy

Now it's my time and yes it feels amazing

There's nothing left of what you've seen before

Life's too short just to do what you're told

-AshleyTisdale

I have no idea why or any link, but the urge to post is just here in me. I just felt uneasy, like I have a huge load waiting to get off my chest by telling it out to someone else, but I just can't dig out that info no matter how long I stoned in front of the computer. So perhaps just sharing bits of my thoughts I might feel a teenyweeny bit better. I'm guessing this the only way to know.
__
No, I'm not crushing anyone, so stop asking me this question.
No, all the rumours about me and JJ or HC or WH are not true.
I may, perhaps, just crush on someone on&off, but none of the above are true. They were just made up by people who felt I was too over the limit or just made up just for fun.
...
If I were asked the question if I wanted to change anything in my life, my answer would be a definite NO. I wouldn't forgo anything I went through, nor those hurt&betrayal&lies. Neither would I give away all those happy moments we had together. Whether it was painful or not, I'm okay with it. I am, because I know this is reality. I wouldn't deny you once made me happy, but the disbelief of knowing what kind of person you exactly were overwrote it all. The happy moments we had just couldn't overwrite the hurt.
I believed you. I was just stupid. Everyone had to go through that period of time, I know. But now I just can't be bothered. Yeah, we see each other at school. Perhaps I should feel hurt or whatever, but treating you as if I don't know you seems like the best option. I'm not avoiding reality or the hurt, I'm just being selfish. Cause I don't want to be reminded of you and ruin the memories. I sound stupid. Really I do.
Now I am wary. I don't believe anyone is pure at heart. I don't know anything now, like what I used to THINK I knew. Yeah, sure I do get cozy with some guys like I do with girls. But I'm just not judging people because of their gender. Perhaps sometimes I go over the limit and suddenly I don't know anything at all. I don't know how people think of me, did I go past the limit of just being friends. Or was I, like what some seniors said, too friendly to guys? Did I give you guys wrong impressions?
I vaguely remember writing a post similar to this, some time ago. a few months or a year, I'm not sure. But now the same accusation has come back to taunt me. Am I too comfortable with you guys until I display a bad image of myself? Frankly, I don't think so. I keep my distance, don't I? In between school time, I keep myself to girlfriend time. Perhaps sometimes I may join DarylTHT and make fun of the guys but is this doing any great harm to friendships?
Okay, perhaps I do share chairs with guys, but I don't see any worthy fuss being made out of this. I mean, well, I did that last year too but why wasn't there any fuss in my class? Sigh.
Communicating with guys seem to pose a problem to most people too. Just because I talk more to them, means I'm flirting. There's a word called friendly, and it's secondary life, remember? You don't expect us, being at this teenage age, to be so greatdamned reserved to ourselves and only talk to the same gender, do you? I hope not, cause this would be the time now to change that thinking.
...
So now all is on my mind is to get good grades. Is this the correct mindset? But when you get good grades, at the same time, people will fawn over you. Its really disgusting when these people act all humble about that. It's so humble that it's fake. No, I'm just saying it in general. People will go on and on about how smart you are, and then when you don't get top for the next test, your popularity dies down. FTW.
...
Crap. I'm going mad with all these stuff. I'm keeping my distance from the fire. Just a little closer now and then doesn't cause any harm right?
Things won't be like in fahrenheit451 where fire burns books and anything that blocks it's path. I'd not let it get to that stage.

I know I can stop when the time comes.

I'd apologize for gtting close to you.

And perhaps everything would end.

Or not.

TESTS ARE OVER. TOTALLY!

2010-02-27T14:04:00.002+08:00

Now that don't kill me, can only make me stronger

-Kanye West

Oh no Oh no. Common tests are screwed. Screwed-over for me. I think I'd flunk every possible test. No, really. I'm serious. Okay, perhaps my prediction may not be spot on, but I've seriuosly lost loads of marks in the process of doing the test due to carelessness or just purely because I have no idea how to do the question. And when I don't have any idea on how to do a question, I TOTALLY leave it blank. Yeah, I can show you my EMATH and AMATH and PHYSICS paper, with blanks.

Totally. So humiliating.

Anyway, I got back my social studies paper. Im damn pissed off at the marks okay. The stupid graduate mother's scheme, as one of the increasing population growth ways, was totally rejected cause it was eliminated off the policies a year after. Damn. The question didn't even state that it had to still be ongoing for now. NOOOOOO. My 3 marks. If I had three more marks, I'd have a high A1. How unfair is that!?!

Okay, whatever.

So there was robotics training yesterday. Right after the whole string of tests. Sigh. THe whole section, except sec4s, packed sets. And I was damn pissed cause whichever parts I couldn't find, Desmond found it in a short time. Sheesh. At "debrief", there was some fuss going on about me sharing a chair with Desmond. Where has equality gone to in the world, seriously? And Joash & Charmaine. *rolls eyes* -refusing to explain what went on- If any pictures appear on facebook, you'd know who is the culprit.

Ohmygoshhh(:

Im so going off to slack already, people.

Tests are over!

Stress, gone!

LIKE TOTALLY GOD-LIKE NOW!

Except when it comes to the results of course. (:

Goodbyes, darlings (:

what's the problem?

2010-02-18T16:30:00.003+08:00

Seriously,stuff I say to you goes in from one ear and out from your other ear cause there's just nothing blocking the frickin' traffic.

Flabbergasted. Horrified. Astounded. Stupefied. Bewildered. Dazed. Dumbfounded. Speechless. Overwhelmed. Discombobulated.
Lessons are just getting more boring by the day. Each second that slowly slips past my fingers during lessons are just helpers that make those classes end faster. Can my life get worse. I mean, well, Common Tests are up next week, but Im giving no shit about studying. That's for real.
Damn, I seriously detest people who say a thing then do another. Bloody hell, Im in a mood.
Ain't going to even post anything more.
Im beat. Going to sleep.

2010-02-12T17:06:00.002+08:00

Calling you an asshole would be an insults to the assholes in the world.

Haven't the thought that you would be a much better person if you weren't that irritating? Yeah, Im talking about Extra, if you actually know who he is. Or perhaps you think you'd rather attract attention by being so mean to people, and by getting their attention. Seriously, wise up. You me all know it'd never make people like you.

___________

Enough of people irritating me, like MINGEE and CEDRIC.

Yeah, either way, I dont really care.

10/2/2010

School's horrible, though wednesday kinda brightened my day, considering the fact that I skipped school the whole day for Robotics Competition and I met Iain :D

Haha, we chatted about our lives, and crapped.

12/2/2010

Today was horrible. Really terrible. I seemed to have screwed the singing, to hell with my nervousness. Seriously, Im screwed. I should perhaps buck up on confidence. HAH.

The PEACE sign me and Daryl DUO-ED yesterday is passing all over school now . Thanks to us (:

For the oranges, me daryl weicheng and mingee went together, and Cedric or whoever kept pressing the lift button so that the lift wouldn't close and we couldn't get up. sheesh.

p/s:

Please think twice before you do anything. If you're reading my blog, you'd know Im directing this to you. Don't do anymore stuff that's so foolish that seriously, I'd strangle you if she even thinks of helping you anymore. All those flirting. If you want a girl for yourself so badly, please concentrate on one then. Don't do these stupid flirts then harm yourself. And please don't toy with their feelings. I'm sure you know how it feels like to be toyed.

Is screwing up my life so fun?

2010-02-06T13:20:00.002+08:00

OhMyCrap. I am so pissed off now. What in the world is my life reduced to?
My three hours spent on researching the questions on physics is gone. With a simple damned error in Microsoft Document.
No, my life is screwed. Yes, it is. First is teachers picking on me. Then this crap happens. What's going to happen next? I dont even want to imagine.

Can anyone help for the time being?

What exactly is the state of matter for Whipped cream & modelling clay?

What in the world is the explanation?

The frickin question is so vague that I wanna rip it to shreads with my bare hands. What, on the peice of paper they provide the three states of matter. Yet the question doesn't state what answer they want. And I believe there is no model answer. Why didn't any smart scientist research on this so I can stop wasting time in finding out?

Seriously, dont try to claim credit when all you did was to waste our precious time.

I am so pissed off I can eat a whole tub or two of ice cream now.

___________

I can't remember what did I want to post in the first place. This stupid physics error is killing me and my sane mind.

Good bye.

Delphine.P

I can't change my screwedup life.

2010-02-04T15:46:00.002+08:00

And when things just don't go right, I'd go left.

Every step I take, with my sore throat, splitting headahce and disappointment that feels the void in my bodyshell, I can finally smile to myself, 'cause I know the day can never get any worse from here.

I can't stand secondary three life.

I can't believe I can say the same thing every single day >> "I'm sleepy".

I can't cope with chemistry.

I can't help it when teachers find fault with me.

I can't do things right.

I can't, I can't, I can't.

Crap. Lots of bullshit.

whatinthebloodycrap

2010-02-02T17:57:00.003+08:00

I feel awful. And I seem to be dreading my everyday. But why?
Like my life is slowly falling apart. Is that one of the reasons I hate commitment? Don't think too far people, 'cause it's nothing personal.
I do the same things over and over again everyday: Wake up when my alarm rings. Study at school. Shower when I reach home. Sleep. And/or perhaps do some crap stuff that will kill time in between when I have extra time.
I haven’t really thought of what in the frickin’ world I want. All I seem to do is just for show. I seem to be acting my whole frickin’ life out, giving people what they want, and never really doing any stuff I want myself.
I’ve thought of doing stuff I liked, but it’s impossible. I’ve ever thought of going overseas to study, I was promised once, but then they crushed all my frickin’ hopes again. I hate my life, where promises turn to lies, and good stuff turn into crap.
Life is but a game, I realized after the round of heartbreaks and times I realized I could do nothing but sit there and accept my poor fate. Can anyone possibly change it? I know the answer deep down in my heart, but I just refuse to admit it. Facing reality is just like dousing a bucket of cold water in my face, jolting me awake before I can even think of anything more. Why is reality so cruel? Why is the truth so harsh?
It’s really hard to accept what I’m not prepared for. Sometimes, I take it as a challenge and try to change it. Sometimes, I refuse to go with it. Other times, I just accept my fate and follow along with it as a good kid would do. But what’s there in life anymore after I realized this is almost all I can fulfil? That’s there’s a limit to my abilities? Or that I may never have the chance to ever show it out to the world; the watching world who’d use any chance to drag you down and under, and taint your reputation forever?
I’ve said this before many times in my life, but I’m never going to cease using it. Why is life so unfair? Why do the bad people get away, but the innocent ones always get implicated? Is that what our world is made of? People, watching people who are only happy, when they feel the satisfaction of accusing one wrongly?

I know you may think I’m just being pessimistic, but once you’ve gone through a life like mine, you may reconsider the aspects of being positive in life.
“Never take life too seriously, no one gets out of it alive.”
I want to do that too, live my life freely, not bothering about what other people frickin’ think of me. Because all those acts are really wearing me out. My patience is tearing off. I’m beginning to feel the boredom in studies, the dread of committing, and the hatred for people who act better than I can.
I sound like a kid complaining, I know you’d feel like that. But you’re frickin’ not me. You won’t know how I feel. So what if you have O’levels, or you’re losing your temper at me ‘cause you have good reasons? Are you meaning you’re more stressed out than anyone else out there?
We’re all human beings, there’s a limit to our patience and unfortunately, my balloon seems to be bursting anytime now. It’s already leaking, my balloon. Holes forming as I just accidentally lose it. One day, you may be the ill-fated one when I just explode at you.
I really want to enjoy life as it comes and goes. But everyday is getting worse for me, it seems.
I want to liven up my life, I’ve been trying very hard, working my ass off. But what do I get in return? I get frickin’ DISAPPOINTMENT; IGNORED. Yeah, work my ass off for you?
You can go to hell for all I care.

Toodles,
Delphine.P

p/s: I don’t like to talk anymore.
Sometimes, I think writing can just erase all my bad memories away when I get involved deeply with the writing. Sometimes, idealism just works better than realism.
Sometimes, I just don’t want to wake up the next morning.

BOOOYAAAAH (:

2010-01-24T20:13:00.002+08:00

Heyyya peeeeeps (:
Okay, I decided to post today. Mainly for saturday crap and the phobia of guys stuff. Okay, I was just kidding. I dont think many people come to my blog now, so I guess I can post in any crappy way I want to (:

23.01.2010
So, I was supposed to go school from 9-4PM. LRT-ed & BUS-ed there. Then when I reached, only three guys were present. All juniors. Let's see. Dominic, Li Feng *i think* and this other guy whom Dominic calls extra. Someone from 203. Someone who keeps irritating me. Someone who keeps singing that perverted song.
Okay, whatever (:
Then blabla, people came, JiaWei came and started becoming perverted with that 203guy. The rest of us kept laughing, and sometimes just irritated at that 203 guy.
Lunch was rushed. Followed the gang of guys which split into two for lunch, and in the end, I ended up with Alpha at the back of the group, walking slowly. HAHA.
We reached the school and ate at the cafe area, then rushed up to ST room, only to realize the trainer was not there yet and we were not late as Weiixen's group was not there yet. LOL.
Crapped, trainer came, asked questions, then did some random stuff.
Then weiixen taught me about building bot, sigh. Rather boring at first, until the thief (parts raper, he calls himself) came and started stealing our parts. HAHA.
Then was JiaWei, Joash and ZhongHeng starting to crap.
Yeah yeah. That's practically the day. I cant remember more, or rather, I cant be bothered to remember (:
Bye people (:

why is this so bittersweet?

Whatever.

2010-01-22T17:05:00.002+08:00

♥You were lying again, weren't you?

RANDOM : I'M FREAKING HUNGRY!

Did gate duty this morning, There were two guys who ran off when we were not looking. Darn.

After school @ 1045, we had GM and then the interview.

And Ohmygod, I was freaked out, and I kept telling Jasmine. And she didn't help by making me laugh harder. I blabbered crap, UGH, and there were a few funny scenes in there. Seriously.

Went to the thumbprint system to sign out and saw JiaXin, Wenyi, Jackson & Amos. Sat the bus with them, crapped and ate lunch with them.

Guess what, some guys said Jackson was cute. I'm sure there's something more to that comment, though I can't be sure (:

I can't be bothered to post anymore.

With love,

DELPHINE♥

2010-01-21T15:42:00.003+08:00

♥I really don't bother anymore

Were you lying when you said "never"?

Gosh. This is maddening.

I hope Jasmine didn't really spread anything about me, anyway, even if you hear anything at all, dont even think of believing it. Like. UGH.

DARN YOU IF YOU DID SPREAD AND TO OTHERS IF YOU BELIEVED WHATEVER IT WAS. Jeez.

There was PE today. Seriously, I don't like running, 'cause I can't run "for my life". Okay, maybe some people say I'm fast, but hello!?! You know you're lying. Graah. Whatever. I don't bother. But still, RUNNING IS TEDIOUS and IRRITATING. Why do we need to run and have that stinking NARFA?!
I miss my 202'09 team. Sherye, Aida, Rachelle, Celeste and Syahirah ): I still remember how we used to win games after games, only after much effort we put in. Sigh. I guess the change is inevitable. *Do you know I suck at basketball?
Then later me and Daryl kept asking the PE teacher to let us play soccer, then basketball, then volleyball. But because only me and Daryl were asking, and the rest were contented in playing badminton, he disagreed. HAHA. The badminton session was madness. Like how I kept missing, and how I couldn't serve. Then we played doubles, against Dawn&Wynnette and my stupid serve kept going through the *net*.

AND MY GOD! GUYS! THE CHINESE NEW YEAR DECORATIONS!
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE DOING IT?!?!?!!?!?!
pffft.

p/s: I hate it when people I DON'T KNOW, standing either sides of me suddenly stick their head in front of me and start crapping away. Don't you know what is rude?

UGH. PHONE CALL. I HATE THAT.
WHATEVER.
IM PISSED OFF NOW.
GOOD BYE.

you suck.

A late post *smirks

2010-01-15T20:12:00.002+08:00

Okay, the tenth day of school and I've just posted about school. But then again, whatever.
I've been thinking a lot about closing this blog down, okay, perhaps not close. But I'd just leave it like that, no endings. And perhaps when I feel like it, I'd just create a new one and NOT give anyone my link or whatever. Well, I swore to secrecy (:

So, let's start about some random facts of ORIENTATION !!
1) 1 ANONYMOUS(2010) ROCKS TO THE CORE !!

Yeah, FYI, that's a fact. Even though there are just some guys in there like Chryston and Terrence who annoy me, but theire just cute. You cant resist them. To forgive them, I meant.

2) Jasmine Corpuz is a friggin good friend, someone I love to bump butts with. HAHA. Okay, that was supposed to make you laugh.

I can still remember how we would scream at them together when we're pissed at 1A, how you'd try to cool me down and try to solve the problems we had together. I miss those crazy times we had together : BUMPING BUTTS , SCREAMING FOR FUN , GOSSIPPING WITH THE GIRLS :D

3) I MISS THOSE TIMES WE SKIPPED LESSONS FOR ORIENTATION!

Now that I'm back to classes, I cant see 1ANONYMOUS and the others. And studies are just like my sleeping pills. Seriously. SIgh.

4) I miss how I kept crapping with Jasmine and talking crap to Sukruth. *Poor him

All that stuff about being an OIC means he had to be responsible for everything. That was enjoyable, especially when Jasmine joined me to crap with him :D

5) It's really fanFREAKINGtastic :D

I've said my piece. Seriously, Orientation'2010 was fantastic. Though there was some complications, overall it was fun. My class was the best, in my eyes of course. But then again, It's sad that orientation had to end and I had to face the music : STUDYING!!

Whoa. I'm getting somewhere here. Before I start on another topic, I better sign off, incase I spend even more time here and get scolded for not studying and using the computer all day.

Oh well, oh well.

GOOD BYES!

I can't face you. But I've done nothing wrong.

It's not a problem of mine.

You haven't done anything. That's the problem. I dont know what I am to you. WHat am I to you, exactly?

giving my THANKS

2010-01-03T19:59:00.003+08:00

mmmm. So, I kinda got inspired, and Im going to delicate this post to all those people who means a lot to me.

(not in order of rankings, I just write whichever name that comes to my mind)
I'm going to say my THANKS TO-
MUM&DAD
I know I am a stubborn child, always jerking you two, always getting you two upset over trivial matter that don't actually matter much. I know how much I irk you off when I become rebellious and do things against your wishes. Most of the time, I put up with your scoldings, but sometimes I piss you two off by jerking back, adding fuel to the fire, as we say. Still, you two had always been there for me, so THANKS so much cause I couldn't have gone through my whole life without you two. I really enjoyed our last holiday trip, and I'd change. I SWEAR ON EVERY STRAND OF HAIR on my head. Yeah, I'm that serious.

SISTER-DAPHNE
I know I've been a bitch to you most of the time when I just flare my temper at you when I'm feeling down, and most of the time you have nothing to do with it. My temper's a bitch and I have to admit sometimes I behave like one too. Thanks for being there when I was down, thanks for trying to cheer me up and hear me laughing when I was actually crying. Thanks for making me feel appreciated when I get scolded by mum&dad when I make mistakes. ANd of course, thanks for being my sister.

EILEEN
Even though I know we've probably drifted apart after we changed seating arrangements, still. Thanks for putting up with my nonsense and craziness when I go GAGA over some really small little things. Thanks for that help in Chinese, thanks for not turning your back on me. Thanks for assuring me that "he" was jerk and wasn't good for me. I can still remember the times we were at Pizzahut, spotting people below and those times you made me laugh when you somehow made a fool of yourself. Not to forget, to accompany me to someplace far when I feel like it, and have to accept it when I turn down our meetings at the last moments.

JOYCE
Hey dude. I remember how you and him were first so distant and then you two started to become closer and tada, there we had. Im not sure if that was good memories to you, but the time I spent with you were fun. How we used to talk crap, sing songs we knew together, talk about him and, of course, listen to my rubbish. I know sometimes I suck, like when I cant make it to some meetings, but you still put up with me. I still remember those times we spent for your singing rehearsal. The stupid video I did in the toilet. Thanks so much, cause it meant a lot to me.

XINAN
I know the first thing Im going to say thank you for. Thanks for bullying me in classes, with Weiixen and that innocent face *I still remember it * ad those times you were willing to share some of your thoughts with me. It probably didn't mean a lot to you, but it meant that at least you treated me like a friend. That was enough. I still remember hat stupid rumor, that suddenly caused our friendship to take a wrong turn. I'm not sure if you still remember that, but of course, I'm telling you, it's not true. Not one bit. You're a great friend, and will always be. Thanks for putting up with my silliness and nonsense.

CELESTE
I probably irked you when I placed you and him side by side the first day of school, but I hope you can forgive me on that one. *guilty smile* Good friends, I remember you said that. Perhaps it's not too much to ask for a chance for him perhaps. Or perhaps I'd never know, considering the fact that we're going to have different friends next year, have fun without each other. But I still remember how we played cards on the rooftop of lot one, watch movies together and gossip. And of course, your cute time with him. Thanks for being there when I was alone. And for having fun with me.

HANNAN
Thanks for being there when I needed you. I remember how you used to insult me, how I used to detest you. But after that incident, I guessed we changed. I remember how you used to assure me everything was fine, but I cant forget what a jerk he was. I remember how you tried to cheer me up with Hafiz when I was at m bottom. But it's all over now. We're going to different classes, and I'd definitely miss your crapping.

BENJAMIN
Okay, I'm really curious why I even wrote your name here, but I can conjure some things to thank you for. Thanks for telling me the truth about him, and about how I should choose. Thanks for putting up with my jerks, which you used to jerk back with me, and thanks for letting me win. *HAHA* I cant say I dont enjoy that, but sometimes I guess we take it too far. Still.

GLENN
Hey, dude. Thanks for being a brother, and for those times you put up with me with my crap. I still remember how your good little brothers use to call me, not that I enjoyed the attention, but it was fun being around you and knowing things about you more. Guess I'm sorry I didn't really appreciate it that time, but thanks for letting me know you all over again.

ELAINE
Hey girl. Thanks for being there after exams to hear me crap about how bored I was. And for letting me join you between breaks we had and giving me the chance to know you. It was fun, the time we spent together. I still remember the start of last year where you had confided once in me. That was long time ago, but I guess these kinda things dont get erased fro my memory easily. It was fun being with you.

MINGEE
I know it wasn't really talking, through sms'es and all those technology, but at least we did try. It wasn't our fault that we seldom met, but still. Thanks for trying to cheer me up with those "crap" you said to me. I still remember how we forced you and him to buy sunflowers from us. That was enjoyable, the look on your face. I sound mean, but it was funny.

WEIIXEN
mmm. Thanks for letting me ht you when I felt like it, without retaliating back. Thanks for cheeing me up with that silly face of yours, the innocent look that must be paired with XinAn's. I still remembered how you used to raise your eyebrows and the expression was so funny I kept laughing, but you refused to do it again when I asked someone else to see.

OTHERS
Thanks for beng a friend, overall. I have this bad temper sometimes, and if I had ever vented it on you, please forgive me ><

Okay, this is pretty much about all the people my age that I have to say about. As for my seniors.. Perhaps I'd do another post, or maybe not. You'd have to see my mood :D

If I said you meant nothing to me, would you believe me?

If I said I didn't like you a bit, would you buy my story?

If I told you the truth, would you forgive me?

Randomness

2010-01-02T02:10:00.002+08:00

I sure hell know I'm supposed to be posting all about my trip, but then I decided I will put it off until tomorrow or the day after. Sigh.

Will was already seated on the couch, his eyes half-closed like usual when he didn't get enough rest. The butterflies in her heart fluttered as her eyes fell on him, his perfect topless lean body, even when sitting down. His ash blond hair; a perfect mess on top of his head, and his dark brown eyes that almost looked black from so far away. He also had that sexy half smirk, that kind that make a person look stuck up, and yet it could melt any girl's heart.

"Hey," Vivian called him, a little breathless.

Will opened his eyes. Vivian inched her way towards him, sitting beside him on the couch. He placed his mouth on her butterscotch hair and she could feel a smile forming on his face. His arm wrapped around Vivian's shoulders as she snuggled comfortably into his embrace. His breathing had changed to slow, heavy ones.

My randomness is really bugging me. Oh well.

Whatever.

2009-12-21T19:50:00.000+08:00

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that i don't hear them talk
Whenever i see you, i'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend i'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it getsI
s this what it feels like to really cry, cry

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yet what do i care
If they believe me or not
Whenever i feel your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend i'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry, cry

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away?

Is it over yet
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry, cry, cry

-Cry by Kelly Clarkson

2009-12-20T20:08:00.005+08:00

When things dont go any better, what's more than to smile it off?

I'm super uber bored today so I shall bend some of my own rules and do a long post with some pictures.

Well, but this post is mainly gonna be more pictures than anything, so. Yeah.

Some things I took yesterday at Raffles City. It was big there. *smiles*

I look natural. But my sis' face was blur. Hah. Talk about skills (:

Lazy to post the pictures taken at starbucks.

The following pictures were taken at West Mall's cinema, where me and my sis went on Friday, after we went to Bugis to shop (:

Pffft. These blurry pictures are due to the dimmed lights. Sigh. I cant be bothered to make it any clearer anyway.

And finally. I got my converse shoes. Chio shoes, aint they. Haha.

Kay. This is the end of the long post which doesn't seem long at all.

Ciao!

2009-12-17T18:40:00.001+08:00

I get it. Whenever I read something, anything at all. I get whisked away into the story. Oh my god.

Outing ; Walking ; Homework..

2009-12-17T17:37:00.004+08:00

Dont say that I wasn't like this before ; I was. You just never knew.

Today was tiring. I went out with Eileen to City square mall @10AM. We had never been there before so we asked the mrt people where to alight for City Square Mall, and they told us Farrer Park. Whatever, we just set off and took the long route there. A mistake. Oh well, oh well.

After we reached FarrerPArk Mrt station, we walked out of the underground station, and found ourselves lost in the middle of roads. Luckily, some passerbys were kind enough to point out way. On our way, we in total asked 3 people how to go to City Square Mall, and finally found our way. City Square Mall, somewhere at Kitchener Road, is Singapore's first Eco-Mall. Wonderful, eh?

I was telling Eileen that if there wasn't a cinema there, I was going to flare. As thought, there weren't any cinemas there, but I didn't flare also. Just a scare. Eileen was complaining about the non-existance of StarBucks there. We shopped around and found some shops that appealled to us. But after a while @ 1145+PM, I got bored and suggested we went someplace else.

We walked all the way to FarrerPark MRT again and sat the train to Dhoby Ghaut to PlazaSingapura for my movie show " New Moon " .

Say, Taylor Lautner is so fanfreakingtastically hot, okay. Plus, some bonus : He's only SeriouslySeventeen. 11th Feb 1992, freaking four days younger than my sister. Guess what? He started acting since seven years old. Okay, Im obsessed with his infomation. Damn it.

Okay, back to the topic of today *smiles*

Of course, walking around Plaza Singapura wasn't enough for me. So, we decided to walk out of it and down to Orchard Central. It was damn tiring. And we talked and talked. And then bus-ed on 190 back.

Now it's homework time. sigh.

English : Compo / ~~Compre~~ / ~~Summary~~

~~Mathematics~~ : ~~Heymath1 / Heymath2 / Textbook1 / Textbook2~~

Chinese : ~~JianBao1-4~~ / Book Review

Please dont make me choose.

Cause I'd just choose him.

Finally posted ;D

2009-12-14T13:37:00.005+08:00

Sorry for the long time that I didn't post, though Im sure no one comes actually to read, but to tag. Still. ;D

Lee Jun Ki

Damn, he's so good looking. *yummy yummy* Oh well.

Yesterday, I went to 313 there to shop. Well, I did buy alot of clothings. It's a sin. But still, it was fun walking around for 5 hours plus and then feeling the strain in your legs, and then you realized " Oh, that's it for today. "

漂流在愛情的海域你我也曾有過傷心

因為相信讓倆顆心貼近了距離

當我靠在你的懷裡　所有話題都是多餘

眼前的風景都是你給我的美麗

月影遙　天都亮了　星星睡不著

我在你耳邊輕輕唱著　你笑了

Oh 愛　兩顆星星一片海

牽著的手都明白　再也離不開

Oh 愛輕輕飄進我心海

你是甜蜜的意外　我卻逃不開 Oh 愛

當我靠在你的懷裡　所有話題都是多餘

眼前的風景都是你給我的美麗

月影遙　天都亮了　星星睡不著

我在你耳邊輕輕唱著　你笑了

Oh 愛　兩顆星星一片海

牽著的手都明白　再也離不開

Oh 愛　輕輕飄進我心海

你是甜蜜的意外　我卻逃不開 Oh 愛

開始不懂愛　到現在才明白

戀愛中的人都像個小孩

情願被寵壞　每一天都充滿期待　這就是愛

Oh 愛　兩顆星星一片海

牽著的手都明白　再也離不開

Oh 愛　輕輕飄進我心海

你是甜蜜的意外　我卻逃不開 Oh 愛

HOMEWORK ; disaster

2009-12-09T13:03:00.006+08:00

HOMEWORK

(ENGLISH) compo / ~~compre~~ / ~~summary~~
(CHINESE) ~~剪报1~~ / ~~剪报2~~ / ~~剪报3~~ / 剪报4 / Book review
(MATHS) ~~HEYMATH 1~~ /2 / TEXTBOOK chapter1 / chapter2

PATHETIC. HOW MUCH HOMEWORK HAVE I LEFT?!?!?!

PEOPLE! I NEED SEC3 MATH TEXTBOOK >:C

memories

2009-12-07T11:55:00.002+08:00

My nose hurts. It must have been the smoke from the past few days. 多希望你还是在我的左右。I cant forget the scene that keeps replaying, that keeps making me want to cry.
whatever. Everything's only a memory now.
I can't help it♥

What should I do when I realised I'd only two choices left?

And when these two choices were inhumane ones.

VOLLEY;BASKETBALL

2009-11-30T20:27:00.002+08:00

Today was freaking hilarious;fun;tiring. ;D

PEOPLE WHO WENT:

JOYCE
SIYING
AARON
JASON
FRANCISCA
YILIN
DARYL
XIAOHUI
RODERICKS
GLENN
KAHWEI

JESHREI

Met Joyce&Aaron&Siying&Daryl @10AM and we walked to ZhenghuaCc to play ;D We started off playing volleyball at the badminton court. Cause there were too many people, I didn't join in the fun ;D
Later went to Glenn house there to play volley while the guys played basketball ;D aiyah, first half before 1PM was damn slack. not fun to write about ;D
ANYWAY. At 1PM, we went to the badminton court to play volleyball. I hit until damn hard, and then everyone was like " walao ". Then in the end our opponents (Franscisca , Daryl , YiLin )on strike, dont want catch my ball ;P ( Me&JOYCE a group ) Anyway, later on the three little boys on the other side of the court told us not to play volleyball at the badminton court. so, whatever. We stopped it and went to the basketball court instead ;D Played 4versus4. forgot who on whose team. HAHA. But was damn fun anyway. Later on, we changed to halfcourt 3versus3. I PHAIL! damnit. HAHA
Later we random play, I kept ka-chiau-ing glenn&kahwei ;D
Walked back to LRT with Jason , did some things & went to take the LRT. I super super heng. When I reached BP lrt station, everyone had to go down the train cause got some problems or whatever ;D

let's go against the world together baby♥

St camp. overdue post ;D

2009-11-29T19:37:00.002+08:00

If this is what's gonna happen, I shan't try to change it.

21-22 November : ST camp

SportGames : ( handball;basketball )

I was stoning during these games ;D HAHA. Kept dodging the ball when I could, when people tried to pass the ball to me, I just hid behind zhiqi ;D

Baking : ( wooncakes )

Yeah basically we were supposed to bake some cupcakes and I couldn't help as the guys were busy with their stuff, so almost everyone was like " delphine damn slack" -.-

Saw JiaQi&Siying & went to hug them and scolded by wk .. HAHA

FlightSimulation

Slacked at the back of the room with char & wynnette ;D & was sms-ing. HAHA. Wanted to get away , out of the room, but it was entirely impossible. HAHA

WarGames : ( water )

Slacked around, got threatened to get shot by the water bombs by seniors, esp wh&ja. Anyway, wk caused me to get caught by my opponent team after I stepped into their territory, goddamnit. But I didn't go into the punishment ground :X HAHA, I was about to go when it rained, so lucky me ;D

SHOWER!

Char&me went to her house to shower, due to some reasons. my attire back to school was seriously sloppy. Long BlackTee, P.E pants, slippers. HAHA.

Dinner

Had some dinner. Then Amanda&Wynnette wanted to get more food, barbecue food. Then after a while, after we( Char,Wynn, Amanda & me ) finished our food, we went over to the sniors and started playing Truth or Dare. It was funny, most of the time.

KaraokeTime

The AVA was chaotic, such that we ( the same4 ) went out of the room. HAHA

MovieScreening

ParanormalActivity wasn't as freaky as DragMeToHell. I&Wynnette couldn't stand the show at all. & of course, we did&said things that were, I guess, forgivable since we were freaked out. we perfectly had a reason to. HAHA ;D

Nightwalk

I partnered Marcus, and I was freaked out already after watching the DragMeToHell movie. So whatever little thing freaked me out. HAHA. First station I got jumpy at the bombbags. Second station, I freaked out at NicholasT face with the light underneath. So I screamed. And sweared. Then I turned round and JasonA scared me. so I think I screamed again, & swore. HAHA. Third station, FWeiixen jumped outfrom behind the wall..Fourth station (zongheung&weihao), I was really freaked out by the Nich&Jas thing, so I squatted down. Then Zh was like " you okay or not ". Of course not!! Luckily there was nothing to scare me when we walked past their station. Fifth station, the guys toilet. Okay, that wasn't fun. I got hit squarely in the nose by the toiletroll which went flying from jasonk's hands. Then when walking down the stairs, cause I think the station masters finish their duties liao, then weiixen hid behind a wall to scare us, Nich also. LOL. Freaked out. HAHA.

SlackingTime

Supposed to be sleeping, but we ( the 4) went to the canteen with the seniors for some supper. We passed around the sparkling juice and me&wynn drank from it. In the end, wynn&amanda were really tired, and they went back to sleep @ around 3 plus. HAH. Went to see the guys bball with char, but then later at 6plusAM, we (me&char) went to the st room fr fun.

Sleep

But I slept in the chair, until & 7plus. Damn tired. :C

CleaningUp

Next morning, had some cleaning up to do before going home. Dad fetched.

Didn't even sleep. Showered, had unch at home then went to school for the DPH walk. 40+ hours awake. ugh.

_________________________________

YAY. FINALLY FINISHED BLOGGING ABOUT ST CAMP!

HIPPEE! ;D

TODAY ;D

2009-11-20T16:38:00.002+08:00

YAYIES. I went to school today to accompany Joyce. Listened to her and jasmine singing. Then about the "earth" joke ;D
OLDTWEETYBIRD later on, asked me to accompany him go down do some things for orientation. Then he saw the secretary of scouts and asked me to say hi to him. I said hi, & that guy hi-ed back, and said " do I know you? " LOL. I told him " no, is OLDTWEETYBIRD want me to say hi to you ;D " we walked here and there. Went back to couns room but OLDTWEEYBIRD realized he forgot to take batteries from mmr. pffft. So we went there and he called me to take his things for him. ): bully. we went back, listened to them sing, blabla.
Then I started to feel a lil' sleep cause I slept at 1 yesterday. I wanted to lie on the table to rest but OLDTWEEYBIRD dont let me. He keep injuring me with that stupid chair he sat on and his hand! pfffft. At last he gave me a little space. *like what use is that* pekchek luh. Super tired, idk why. Started spam sms-ing. some replied. some TOLD OTHERS*you know who you are* .
LOL. Then finally could go outta school. saw st seniors. one whole big bunch. pffft. Dont feel like talking about that. We went to food junction to eat, crapped then went home. BORING.
CAMP TOMORROW! ST CAMP ;D I might consider posting about what happened ;D WAHAHAH.
p.s : I haven't packed for tomorrow ;D

bf not home. dear ignoring me :(

2009-11-19T13:24:00.000+08:00

I miss my dear;D

This is hard.

2009-11-17T20:51:00.002+08:00

Man. This isn't me, or perhaps it just is. I wanted to post so much, but as soon as I reached this page, I forgot entirely what I wanted to post about. Okay, I dont care what I'm so going to make this a long post so bear with me if you find this post, well. CRAP.
Gosh, fine, let's talk about results. I was expecting to get into triple stream but, oh well. Hope for the best & prepare for the worst & I got physical stream. Not that bad, since I got Elaine to gay with, though not sure whether she willing ;D Aiyyah, think better not. HAH. Okay, whatever. random.
I try to stay angry to show that I mean what I said, but I always fail. Sometimes, I just find myself looking for a vald reason to stay angry, but I can never find it.
That’s what makes me sad. Only now I feel a little better for confessing even if it is to no one in particular.
Okay, forget it. I'm giving up for this to become a long post.

It's never gonna work.

2009-11-12T18:21:00.002+08:00

To make me turn back is as good as making raindrops turn back into clouds.

I went to school today to listen to jas&joyce sing ;D

& finally weiixen promised me something ;D yay

It's not entirely impossible. But not entirely possible either.

2009-11-09T21:44:00.004+08:00

Even when I know all odds are against me, what should I really do when the urge to accomplish it is still there?

Things were really simple. Why did you have to complicate it? Worst still, after complicating matters further, you left the mess behind for me to clean up behind you. I didn't know you as this irresponsible person.
I know this is difficult. But you know we cant turn back the clock. If we could, perhaps I wouldn't have make this stupid mistake. Or not. I dont know.
Sheesh. It's never gonna change. Maybe we should all start to accept facts. & try to change it for the better instead of trying to change the impossible.

2009-11-09T21:31:00.002+08:00

GAAAAH. I lazy arrange everything. So these tags will be replied from the newest to the oldest (:
Jaqy :): hey,update (: happy happy! (:
- I'm happy enough, I guess (:
tzeyee:D: Hellos delphine. It's been a long time since i see you uh ! ): Super miss you oh . Do tag me if you're free okays. Luvzxzc (:
- Okay :D Ps uh. I long time never chack tagboard :D
Elaine (:: delphine, you're as emo as xa...hahaha...no wonder you both get along so well
- LOL. Well, are we both emo? He's those suicidal emotional. I'm mild (:
~Jasmine~: Hiieee.. Me here to tag!! aNd sorry bY the wAy..
- It's alright, CHOCO :D though I still dont understand everything (:
Tom: Haha Delphine never update blog or reply tags de!! YEEEEEE!!! Haha
- I'm replying now. (:
QI EN !: hello delphine ! (: you knw hu i m rite ? taggs ;D
- Yeah, I do. Ps uh, now then reply tag (: I super lazy.
`shiqiu: tagged.tagged. hahas.. you not scared that night in sch after going to the haunted house arh.hahahahas.
- IT WAS DAMN FUN :D
CELESTE: Aggressive. cool
- agressive? Nah, was just fuming that time (:
siying: hello delphine
- HELLO!!!!
`shiqiu: ooh mei mei, who's that guy who've made you so angry. hahas.. jiejie support you worhs!
- THANKS (: hah. It's some guy who's not really worth memtioning (:
`shiqiu: heyy.. i haven't come here for like ages. hahahas..
- (:
passer-by: who is from BPGHS?
- ME?
vernice: havent seen you in a long time
vernice: heyyys delphine ! ;D
- Ps uh, now then reply (: HELLO!
sinnee: hi~tagged(:
- HELLO!!!! thanks for tagging btw (:
jaqy :): gosh why change skin?!!!
- for fun :D
Tom: Today's your birthday??? Hmm hmm Happy Birthday Delphine!!! Oh ya... ...cause I never see Rodericks tag here before ma so.. ...ya haha
- THANKS for the wishes :D:D
`shiqiu: and and and i like ur old skinn better lehh. hahas. why change??
`shiqiu: teeheehee! i forget this is the how many birthday wishes. hahahas.. but HAPPY BIRTHDAY meimei. hahahas.. ;D jiejie loves meimei. yays!
- HAH. Cause I was bored, so I just changed it randomly. THANKS aye (:
CELESTE: Hey birthday girl. update about how it feels like to be one year OLDer. (:
- LOL. Ps late reply. No change luh ): Thanks btw (:
JJ: happy birthday. =D
- THANKS
jaqy :):
- Why sad ):
`shiqiu: omg, why am i so lame, must be ur influence larhh meimei!
`shiqiu: hahahas...a complete human heart alr, not a broken one. hahahs.. and i need that heart quick, cos it can't supply me with oxygen sooon!
- LOL.
siying: hello delphine:D
- HELLO HELLO :D
CELESTE: LOL. Gah, you got me hooked on Justin Bieber. *DROOLS* He's so cute. Just hopes that the breaking of his voice wont spoil his singing.
- WAHAHAH :D

2009-10-20T21:06:00.003+08:00

you asked me what was wrong.

I smiled and told you NOTHING

Then I turned around & whispered EVERYTHING.

If I stayed. If you tried. If only we could turn back time.

Sigh. Couns camp rocked, only after lights out. Sleeping somewhere else -not in the classrooms- made my back ache (: WAHAHA.

Things cant be changed. Thing never will. We can only improve them, or just forget about it.

Heard a voice, on the distant thunder that told me to take him when I wanted, I know what I gotta do. I get it that you dont see the potential to be much more than friends. Maybe I should just show you what a girl can do when she plays to win.

I guess she's alright, if perfection's what you like. But what I want, is just everything she possess & takes for granted.

I hate you. cause I dont remember who am I anymore.

***HOLE

2009-10-17T21:57:00.005+08:00

I cant believe this. I cant believe what I'm getting to know. By the minute, everything gets freakier. I thought he could be trusted. I THOUGHT.

HUH.

Stupid me, again. What did I do? I thought we could do it. Just you&me. When I realized things weren't that simple anymore, I knew you were just playing all along. Much as I suspected you weren't that innocent, I never realized I would get twirled round your finger like that.
well, @#$% to you.
CHEERS TO THAT SMART GIRL.
I hope she knows what a JERK you really are. & I hope EVERYONE SINGLE GIRL KNOWS. well. you wanna play with me? I'd play along. watch me. I dont forgive. & neither do i forget. Just trodding on my toes is the last thing you would wanna do. But you HAVE. so. yeah.

2009-10-08T09:39:00.001+08:00

GOD DAMN/
I HATE YOU

2009-09-29T21:23:00.003+08:00

I dont wanna admit this. But I know I'm playing with fire. 3 BIG flaming fires too. But it's just so thrilling. I dont like to juggle fires. It hurts & it's dangerous. One fire is dying away. The other is medium. The last is continuing to burn furiously. Maybe. I know what to do. If I dont do it in time, a strong gush of water might just come and extinguish all of them. And I'd lose it. We shall see.

2009-09-09T16:20:00.002+08:00

I wanna say sorry.

But if only I knew how to.

I turned up the music around here,

But that incident still lingers around.

Went out to cck @ 9 this morning. was supposed to meet Eileen and JiaQi for HomeEc project. Who knew, JiaQi's mum told us she was sick. So, we mrt-ed to woodlands to kill time. And Hah Wht a joke. We saw ___, and another guy watching movie. Wow. So wonderful. -.-

Pissed now. can't be bothered to say anything.

2009-09-08T20:00:00.006+08:00

It is time to listen, not to vent.

Time to confide, not to worry.

But now, who can I trust?

I feel troubled. Like I never felt before. I pinched myself to check if all that happening was real. When things changed for the better, I thought I had filled up that one hole in me. But it turned out that though I had mended the hole by a teeny bit, I had only widened the hole even more after. And in the meantime, i had opened another hole. Another question in me probbing. Another stone in my heart that's weighing everything down.

It's just like taking a step forward and two backwards. You know you can't change my mind. It's just like trying to turn back around on a one way street. You're just wasting your efforts. It's always never enough to just say that you're sorry, or that you care thus you do all those stuff.

I cant exactly just describe how freaked-out I feel right now. I just need to be left alone.

I can't sleep. Once I close my eyes, everything plays back to life.

2009-09-06T18:58:00.005+08:00

Which brings me back. Why am I so pissed over something I cannot change no matter how hard I try? Am I just wasting my time? Is that guy so bloody retarded that he doesn't understand what point I'm trying to put across here? Or is this going nowhere? Why am I doing something with my heart and soul when I gain nothing from it? You claim I'm egoistic. But then, I just doing a favour by helping out when he needs it. And helping to do something others ain't going to help out with. So that is what I get back in return? Rumours? If I know this would have happened, that things would have been so complicated, I might have stopped myself.

Tell me, why are people afraid? We're not afraid of doing wrong. We're just afraid of not being able to find an excuse for our behaviour. Crude, but true. I hate it when people judge me when they don't know me. When they don't understand anything, yet they act all high-and-mighty like they do. When you're in the wrong too, you do not have any rights to question my behaviour. I do as I deem fit and I do not do "why"s.

It's no big deal so why are am kicking up such a fuss for a stupid rumour like this? Cause it's far-stretched, stupid and screwed. I ain't going to risk anything. I cant. It's just too big of a risk. And who are you to choose who I like and who I don't for me? No one has those rights.

So you say, now that question is as silly as asking "why cant you be another Einstein and discover something that wins you the Nobel prize" Is it impossible? Knock some sense into your head. Anything is possible. Einstein is a brilliant scientist. But no one can guarantee that he might be surpassed someday.

Does it have to be my sense of righteousness that everyone should work hard? Isn't that like common sense? or do you have to be so naive that you dont even know that as the basic knowledge?

Why cant some people see the sense?

Why do we have to go to the extent until everything is broken?

2009-09-06T16:24:00.002+08:00

Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain
Time starts to pass before you know it you're frozen

But something happened for the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground, found something true
And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush
That comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh, they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

I dont do "Why"s.

2009-09-05T18:20:00.003+08:00

So much for the expected. Now tell me.

How do I get better, If I'd already had the best?

How perfect is perfection?

What should I do, when everything fades away?

I went for robo today :D I was supposed to meet up with Marcus&Weiixen @ 850am, as what Marcus told me. But they reached like super early @ 830am -.- And they complained say I made them wait for me. Hah. Crapped and walked to school.

When we reached the room, I started meddling with the scoop and the body ( I forgot what it's called ). The seniors were super high in the morning, with excess energy. They blasted songs and sang with it. Damn funny. As for Jiawei, he kept gl-ing us. He changed every lyrics to his speciality topic. Make a guess. I'm not going to dirty my blog by saying it out here :D

Then, when it was 12, all the sec 2s, including me walked to cck to mac. Bought out food, and walked back. hah. I couldn't eat my fries, and had no intention of eating, so i gave them to the guys. After all, they were glad to have the fries.

After eating, I went back to making the body of the robot, helping weiixen in the process. at about 2pm++, Charmaine and those who went to the literature festival came back. Helped around for a while, before YikSiong took over my job. And did everything of his own accord. Seems that if i weren't officially in their group, he'd never bother about my comments or views. -.-

Then it was going home time. Yeah. nothing to post about going home.

I'd let you judge me. I wont say anything cause a teenyweeny bit of it might be true. But you dont know me. But now, I'm wondering if there's anything that exactly reflects me. The existence of something so perfect makes me feel mediocre. But if only it exists. There's something about you. Something that had pulled inside of me. I always try to make the best of every situation, but it seemed I'd failed this time. Terribly. so now, me being me seems like the hardest thing to do.

I feel happy to know you're always there for me.

2009-09-04T22:07:00.005+08:00

So what's your problem now? Just because I didn't do what you told me to, or well, just cause I said you were lying, you had to go around spreading those things?

Do all things have to be complicated?

I miss those days

when we were just friends

and nothing had happened.

Lazy to blog about what happened today. Just wanna waste my time here :D

Marcus and Hengyu are two guys who have far-stretched minds. -.- And whatever they say are not true. Absolutely not :D

So what now? Things have gone out of control. Above the limits. Far over what I can take. I can't stand my wimpy behaviour. Maybe I should really just step out and give you a piece of my mind. Maybe I should do what I did before, just jerk back and let my anger take control. But it's been ages since I acted like that. I promised to change. Why are you giving me that attitude anyway? I didn't offend you or any sort. I didn't freaking spread anything about you. Thought that if I did nothing or said nothing, things would never change. Seemed that I was mistaken. Things had changed when I didn't take notice. They went pass me without catching my attention.

2009-09-03T21:41:00.005+08:00

Secrets are things meant to be unknown.

Once told to someone, the secret is considered exposed.

Should I tell, or should I just bottle it all up.

But aren't secrets made, just to be known?

Stupid voice of mine. Stupid throat of mine. Stupid vocal of mine.

I sound so different. I feel deviant. But I dont look any discrepant.

My throat is changing my everything. I'm being forced to eat my tablets everyday. I have no control of whatsoever I want to do. I'm banned from fried food. I let my ~~suckythroat~~ take control. Over my everything. But nothing changed. I'm still the same old me inside. So what's the boon over all these?

Things are changing so expeditiously I hardly have any time to adapt to it. Do I have control? No. Can I do anything aside from trying to keep up? No. Is these what I'm choosing? I threw away my past to look forward, to have a new starting, and end the past. Who knew? That was only the beginning.

Three's a crowd. I cant deny your company is much appreciated by me. But then, I cant grasp air, can I? Wanting to be beside you all the time is like mission impossible. But then, impossible is nothing. What should i do? Hold on to my belief, or let it go and try new stuff? My dilema. Who could comprehen? Where's the belief that " If there's a will, there's a way " ? It takes two hands to clap. Me alone, will not accomplished any stuff. I want to expose my feelings. But I'm sure of the consequences if I do. Why, I'd never do that. I'd rather let people ponder over what I'm writing about here, than to go upfront and tell them the whole truth behind all these crap.

It's complicated. So unfathomable, that I myself get tangled in all these mess. All I can do, is keep reminding myself.

The cruel fact. The inhumane truth. The crude reality.

Who can I to blame but myself? Afterall, pushing blames to others ain't what I'd wanna do here. Till now, I always got by without needing anything. I never really cared about anything. And now it chills me to the bone like it has never done before.

I have to admit.

It scares me.

A LOT.

2009-08-27T15:59:00.002+08:00

What do we have right here?

What can we see?

I used to know myself do well.

Yet now, everything's crumbling down.

Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day. Horrible day.

I dont know why am I so stupid to let myself get scolded when I'm actually really sick. Why I freaking didn't clarify when I had a reason, not an excuse. i wasn't afraid of voicing up, I just didn't exactly remember that I had a reason. Why is everything swirling around me? Why is everything so screwed up? What can i do to make everything change for the better? Should I just end it once and for all?

2009-08-26T22:19:00.004+08:00

Today was freaking hilarious, with capital latters - HILARIOUS.

After school, Celeste, Gigi, Weixuan, Ben, Cedric, XinAn and me went to block 305 to distribute the flyers. When we reached, all of us rushed into the lift, and it was damn squeezy. Hah. Just imagine a packed lift :D
Then, after we finished distributing, we all went to lot 1. However, I and Celeste broke off from the crowd cause I didn't really wanna eat at the 4th floor food court. We loitered around, and finally I decided on PizzaHut. :D I ordered my food, and sms-ed cedric to come. And I especially told him not to bring someone. But he did. Ugh. It's ovbviously on purpose. I was about to start eating, when cedric and ben snatched away Celeste's phone. I'm not exactly in the mood to go into details, but to find out what happened, you can ask them.
Celeste went to chase cedric back, but Benjamin was still loitering with her phone. Hah. When he came back, Celeste's phone was already taken action against, and the language was changed into malay language, which we didn't know how to read. Luckily, XinAn's phone was about the same functions as Celeste, so we used his as a guide to change back the language and off her bluetooth :D
After that, benjamin & cedric started sending chain messages to the class, those who recieved them should know what I'm talking about. And they really sent it around, even to my phone. LOL. I pity Celeste, can. Ben even created the sms with whatever chance to win a toy car. LOL. No offence, but it's like retarded.
Talking & joking took up most of our time, and before long it was 5 going 6. We left pizzahut and headed off home. XinAn and I walked celeste 'home', at least, the traffic light near her house. Good friends we are. Hah. i had a phoebia that I would miss my bus, so I kept looking backwards. And, I made XinAn miss his bus. LOL. And I feel so bad. D:
Anyway, that was almost all. Hah. The details, you can ask around. :DD

Thanks for the memories ; The smiles seen on your face.

Thanks for the memories ; Even if they weren't so great.

2009-08-24T21:21:00.002+08:00

Why do I feel guilty and ashamed, at the mention of your name?

Today was so sickening. I couldn't go to school cause I was unwell. And at home, I was practically facing 4 walls the whole time. Like, I couldn't do anything. And in the end, I have nothing to post about.

Ugh. Great. My chinese is as terrible as ever. Like I only achieved a B4. Somemore it was a borderline one. And my it's just the test only, without my overall.. But seems someone is more grumpy than me. Bad moods are contagious ): Cheer up!

I can't change,

whatever I have.

if only I possessed more time,

perhaps things would be different.

How can i make the right choice,

when you're always here confusing me?

Pain

2009-07-31T14:23:00.003+08:00

Developed a freaking headache yesterday when I reached home. My head was aching like hell that I felt ike crying. Damn that stpid ache. Luckily Ceddy sms-ed me and cheered me up (:
Today, headache eased a bit. During P.E, I told cher I got headache and tummy pain. Then he told me go rest. (:
History classs was the last period. Then Mr.Tan asked us what we girls pefer, chocolate or flowers. I told im I prefered both. LOL.
My headache didn't ease, so I couldn' go out with Eileen to celebrate Rebecca's birthday.
Going to sleep now, need more rest. (:

Damn it. Damn you. I don't really know why am I doing this. I hate it when you do that. You make me confused. Bewildered. Is this like an open door, where when I walk right through it, I'd get something more? It all just seemed so absurd. Perhaps it really is. I feel like bursting. I cant keep it bottled up anymore. But it's impossible to tell anyone. Who would understand. Even she, she kept rebuking me when I told her what I thought it was. Oh damn it. I hate you. Ugh.

2009-07-29T17:34:00.002+08:00

God. I forgot to get my pen back from Cedric. TT
I have no idea what to blog about. Suddenly my mind is met with blank darkness.

Worry when you're sick, but dont dare to express.

Afraid when you're injured, but cant be too concerned.

Feel happy where you are, but not when it's with her.

Just lugh when you joke, cause it's just me and you.

2009-07-24T17:02:00.002+08:00

LOL. Today Claudia didn't come, make me so lonely. ):
HMT
Today for chinese we had JianBao. I was so lonely, no one to talk to or crap with. Claudia is sick. I miss her D: . Chatted with XinAn after I finished doing. Super lonely. ):
English
No one to talk to with again. For english we did the persuasive writing. I didn't know how to do. Pathetic. And stupid ZhiWei and Daryl told cher Melvin was sitting with me. ._.
RECESS
This is so friggin' making me pissed. For the recess time, the classroom was my private museum. Want to know why? Ask Cedric and XinAn and Marcus why. They took my belongings and hung them everywhere or placed them at places I couldn't reach. The Damn Marcus. I think he is a bit dirty - Or perhaps really dirty. He asked Cedric whether he wasnted to pull up my skirt. LOL. Cedric gave those disbelieve face. Omg. Scare me until I ran away from my seat.

Un-Be-Liv-A-Ble.

As if that wasn't enough, I was being injured by marcus and the broom with sharp points. And it bled a lot. With red scratches which are currently still visible.

Thanks Syahirah for geting my pencil case back :D

Thanks SiYing for helping my get my hippo keychain down from the projector screen.

Thanks Celeste for getting down my keychain pig which was hung at the side fan by Ced.

Thanks Eileen for getting the rest of my belongings back :D

HomeEc
I was so tired during homeEcon.
Art
Did some drawings, blabla. stupid JiaWei no life. Go pour the bowl of(mini rolled ball )clays onto my head. Retard.

After school
Went for art/DnT thing at 130 PM. No one as there :D We started hammering the board out, and SinNee pangseh Eileen and me at 230. haha. Then mdm Lok(should be spelt like this.) came and bought us drinks. Free drinks two days in a row :D Thanks, cher :D
Started hammering the second piece when I realise my middle finger was stained with blood. My favourite Bloody Red colour :D I thought it was from my leg, but when i washed the dirt off, I felt a stinging pain. And I saw that my flesh was cut. LOL. And then it started to hurt like hell. So I couldn't use my middle finger. And Eileen wasn't really helping. She was just there hammering dont know what. The floor perhaps. So I told her to help to sweep thefloor ( Super polite worh) :D
Then she refused to help me take anything LOL. Whatever. Couldn't use my middle finger so I pointed it outwards, and I looked like I was pointing eveyone middle finger. wahaha. Cleaned up at 330, ended at about 4 plus. Saw Celeste upstairs ar 2nd level, and she asked e about art before giving me a thumbs up sign :D
Then saw Gigi and Weixuan, who had , I believe, played BB for 4 hours straight.
I saw Daryl at the 4th level too. He was trying to tease and make fun of me. Haha. Whatever.

I realised I dont lose my temper so easily anymore. She was shocked when I told her I didn't scream or lose my temper when they did that. She was shocked when I said I laughed it off. I didn't notice it. Did something change without me knowing?

scars everywhere

2009-07-23T17:31:00.003+08:00

28/07/09
Today was fun, practically only after school :D
History
I kept copying notes, while XinAn was irritating me, happily kicking my chair. WeiiXen took up that attitude, and kept saying " Eh Delphine, shut up la. " to me whenever I turned my head. LOL.
Physics
I was totally confused by what Nancy Kang was teaching. Practically puzzled. I didn't know what beam here and there. Bloody Jeepers! I sure flunk Physics like shit. And that is the first subject I dont want to flunk, since it is important to me. Like really important. GOD.
Recess time
Some unpleasant things happened. Not that I'm going into details at all. Anyway, Cedric started picking on me, since start of recess. He took my pencil case, and unscrew-ed my pig - The-glow-in-the-dark one. Then, he returned me the pig and held on to my pencil case, saying he wanted to unscrew the other one. Bully. I grabed it back from him after much struggle though. Not that the bullying ended at all.
Assembly
LOL. Had some assembly after recess. LOLLLLL.
English
During english lesson, the lights and fans in our class were not working. So we went loitering around the school finding a place to settle down and have lessons. Outside MP3, Cedric bulli-ed me, again. He pulled my hair tie out, and marcus unclipped my clip. Super retarded. i snatche back and retied my hair, but cedric snatched it away again. marcus went bonkers and clipped my clip on cedric's head i think. Somehow, my clip passed to Daryl, and he placed it on top of the ledge of the staircase. I was pissed at him. Then, I couldn't find my hairtie, so I asked Mariana for a ruberband to lend me. DAMN you, Marcus and Cedric. Super angry at them. I told Daryl to get it back and I didn't care how he did it. And he got it back. (:
Maths
Ms Zizi didn't come today, but left us homework. So we started doing. XinAn kept kicking my chair, ad SinNee saw it and said she pitied me. LOL! Didn't manage to finish it at all. Damn.

After School.
I and Eileen and Marissa went for art. When we reached, everyone was filing the wood. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but had to ask Ms Ow for permission first. Then, we started to drag out the canvas board. We had to knock the board out of the wooden support, and to do that, a loud commotion would be created. In the end, we did it, with some help from Ms Ow :D Everyone kept looking at us, maybe not everyone - but you get my meaning. After that, we started taking out staples from the wooden support, and ZhiWei, Melvin and Jason came in. Yeah, they just walked in and started filing. LOL.
Then I realise I didn't have enough screwdrivers and told Mr Tan to perhaps help me get them. And he told me to go to the Dnt office to get the keys on his table to open the Dnt room. I was like " I dont know where's the Dnt office. Seriously. " I didn't even know there was an office like that. He kept saying I xiao mei mei, he uncle and very tired already. I told him, i really dont know. Then he pretended to knock my head. LOL. In the end, he brought me up to help me open the Dnt room. Haha. I finally know where the Dnt office was. :D
Then, JieWei, JiaWei, Weiixen and (dont think got anymore) came in too. They started helping out too. Then Mr Tan came again, and Eileen complained she wanted soft drinks for all the work. I said, ya loh. And he hit my head. I so poor thing. keep getting picked on. In the end, he really bought us drinks :D Thousand Thanks to Mr Tan- The dnt teacher!! :D Then ZhiWei and all the guys came over to help us. No offence, but it really is funny to see then use the tools in a wrong way.
Then, we finished all the taking out of staples and nails, and we started on a new board. :D When we lit the canvas board fall onto the ground, I earned myself 3 scars on the leg by being careless. So much for precaution.And WeiiXen kept insulting me. saying I too short. Retarded him. At 430, all the guys went away. Except melvin who hanged around outside the dnt window for a while. LOL.
Then we started cleaning up which included - trampling on the wooden thing, stamping on the canvas, sweeping the floor and throwing the rubbish away. Not to forget, taking the mini planks of wood into the room. :D Then we went up to the art room to get our bags. walked to near cck's bus-stop, bus-ed home. And finally get to use thecomputer.
Shall talk next time. :D Bye, darlings!

Saying sorry sometimes doesn't help. Sometimes, maybe forgetting actually helps. I cant seem to forget anything. We are still ever so awkward with each other. I know nothing will ever change. I've already tried, perhaps we're just different. But after all, how can two like jigsaw puzzles fit each other?

I have a damn lot of scars on the external, if you noticed. But can you feel the scar inside me? When we're close, I never know what you're thinking. You're like a time bomb, and you explode anytime. Sometimes I wonder if you can actually differenciate between playing and for real. You can get so hyper at times, and suddenly become moody and raged. It's scary. I dont want to live like this. Perhaps it's better to be apart. After all, we wont work out.

2009-07-18T19:59:00.003+08:00

Once you've lied about something,

lying becomes easy.

You keep lying to cover your tracks.

The lie grows.

It becomes huge.

And anytime it is exposed,

everything you built up will be shattered.

That big fat lie.

It'd spoil your everything.

Just how much is it worth?

170709

Eileen, Claudia, Rebecca and I went out to Causeway to pre-celebrate Claudia's birthday which was on the 18th of July. After school, we waited for Claudia's dad to fetch us to Chua Chu Kang. Haha. Freaky, since we could walk there ourselves easily. Anyway, four of us, had to squeeze into the back seat. It was super fun ok? All of us were squashed. (:

When we reached Chua chua kang, we went to change, headed off to the MRT, and went to Woodlands. We went to Seoul gardens for lunch. Then Claudia and Rebecca called Eileen and me to grab food. Eileen couldn't eat beef, so, she was the only one who didn't touch it (duh~)

Then, for 'desert', Rebecca and Claudia went to get 3 full bowls of muffins ( in which 1 bowl, Eileen and I had "da bao" to bring into the cinema )

Harry potter and the half-blood prince was freakishly nice. Rebecca kept telling Claudia spoiler, but then she refused to tell me. ): Who want spoiler? Come and find me (:

At night, logged on msn and started chatting with Rodericks. I realised some things I never realised before. And how those things had affected those around me and myself so badly. I couldn't believe even Cedric said I had done wrong. Ugh. Now, who can tell me, how do I talk if I dont want to give the wrong vibes? but at the same time, still look into their eyes? Aw man. Tough.

Rod should go and be a peer mediator (: I recommend.

180709

Today is boring. Overslept until 1PM. Can you believe it?!!!

我，选择了那无条件的爱。

2009-07-09T16:24:00.003+08:00

I'm so sick of being suppressed by all my childish fears,

And if you just have to go, I wish that you would just leave.

'Cause your presence still lingers here,

And it just won't leave me alone.

History
History was the first lesson today. The new teacher was teaching, and he was really strict. His face was fierce, like an aid in helping him discipline students. I wonder if there's a special brew to make someone look fiercer.
Physics
For Physics, we went to computer lab. :D So cooling. When I first went there, my seat had a big broken hole, like 'LOL?!' . Then I went to change seats, but still suey. I tio a computer which couldn't login. wahaha. It's super unfortunate.
Recess
Uh. Let me see. I totally forgot what I was doing during recess. i only remember XinAn and Cedric pinning up JieWei's Pencil cause, waterbottle, eraser and some other things on the back board. JieWei was like pissed when he came back. Quite a funny sight. :D
HMT read
I didn't even touch the newspaper on bit. okay, well, perhaps just a bit for decoration. I was reading my library book. :D And I read it finish in one whole period. Wahaha. I'm a crazy bookworm. I was lucky no one caught me, practically.
EL
For English was just doing comprehension, apart from the fact that Marcus and Cedric who had borrowed my book, drew funny pictures with the marker they had on my plastic sheet. LOL. I was doing and they kept pestering me to hurry up and finish to get the book across, which in the end, they took my paper instead. Marcus was drawing all sorts of pictures on my book. poor book.
Maths
We did some mathematics questions. And yeah. Tha's all.
After School
Went to the food court to eat hor fun. It wasn't tasty on bit, and I left a whole lot left there. I wasn't concentrating and it was hard to not feel full. Then went to the library to find books. Craped with Eileen there lots, and I even went to borrow chinese books. Can you believe that? Haha, well, we saw Rebecca and Celeste there too. Then we went off back home. Bla bla. Boring day again..

Living in fear was not what I had in mind. But holding to you, became so hard that I clung on to whatever I could. Cause in a world where my emotions just seem to rule my every move, they challenge my devotion, to seek and know the truth. Sometimes love is a surprise, an instant of recognition, a sudden gift at a sudden moment that will make things different. Some say you can't really love someone you don't know. But I'm not so sure. Love doesn't seem to follow a plan; it's not a series of steps. It can hit with the force of nature -an earthquake, a tidal wave, a storm of wild, relentless energy that is beyond your simple attempts at control.

2009-07-07T17:07:00.003+08:00

Ugh. Today was horrible. I was being made the joke of the day by dm. So crude. He asked me what was the vision of the school, and I forgot. And he made me stand. Ugh. Then Cedric kept teasing me. Cedric has lewd thoughts. He's like, disgusting but in a funny way. But still, super gross. Cedric you know yourself best, dontcha? XD
Chinese period, Count myself down on my luck. Cedric seated himself next to me. We had a test going on, and cedric kept asking me for answers. Ugh, I haven't even finish the question, before he asked me for another. And then after the test, he and XinAn said, the answers I give cedirc sure wrong. LOL.
During read period, I called Marcus to pass my work to Jie Wei, but XinAn snatched it away to read. Then they started playing with me paper. Luckily, Weiixen helped me pass the paper to JieWei. XinAn's a BIG BIG bully.

2009-07-03T20:49:00.003+08:00

Ugh. I hate being lied to. I dont know if you're telling the truth or is he. Somehow I can't tell the truth from a lie anymore. Somehow I'm surrounded by lies, and drowning in them. It's like I've taken a wrong step and fallen into a bottomless pit of lies and betrayers. I cant do it anymore. I was lied to by this person once, now I have to bear it coming from you. What's this world coming to? It's not as if I would reject your suggestion like you think I would. Excuse me, who do you think I am?

I'm not a source of entertainment.

2009-06-28T20:50:00.003+08:00

Peole you least expect exists.

People stab you in the back when you least expect it.
People badmouth you when you're down on your luck.
People sting you badly when they know you're helpless.
People rant at you when you give them a chance.
People give you dirty looks when you need help.
People bear grudges when you humiliate them.
People seek revenge when you do something bad to them.
People stoop to any level to spoil your reputation.

-Delphine

2009-06-25T09:25:00.005+08:00

She really couldn't breathe now. All the oxygen in her lungs had left her when he started talking and she hadn't taken a breath since then. He just glared at her with those hate filled eyes and suddenly she couldn't take it anymore. She took off at a dead run away from the garden, away from the school, away from him. She threw off her shoes as she ran, letting her go faster. When she was at a spot she was sure no one could see she spread out her wings without stopping and soared upwards, letting the cool air dry her tears and take her away.

How long have I not blogged? I cant be bothered to count. Staying at home all day is boring. At night I dont get 5 hours of rest at all. Every night. I think my body is going to break down sooner or later. Nervous system breakdown. Haha.

Aw. I envy my sister. Her school, some students tio H1N1, so they dont have to go school. *ENVY ENVY*

Darkness. Everywhere, there was nothing but darkness. But still I ran on. I had no idea where I was headed, or what I would find there. I knew I had no purpose, no direction. No help, not the smallest inkling. I had no hope. So I ran on. Fear became my only companion as it latched on to my heart and mind in an unbreakable strangle hold. I felt my soul shatter as the last vestiges of sanity was leeched from it. An unbearable pain surged through my body, driving me hard and fast toward the ground. The blackness somehow spun as I lay upon the frozen ground, the pain slowly faded into a numbing fear. And as I lay there, blinded by the darkest fear, I felt my life slowly slip away; absorbed by the darkness that was my hell.

他的背影很寂寞，肩膀很沉重。What should I do?

2009-06-13T19:23:00.004+08:00

Well, so I'm finally back from my long rest away from blog. It was super fun at genting. Free air con every single minute (: I love the theme park. HEART HEART HEART XD
What can I say, but that I'm bored. Every single day, my routine is wake up, watch telly, eat, watch telly, eat, sleep. I myself am bored. I wish I myself have something to blog about.

You're in a dark room. Your body is tied up, mind spinning. In a flash, a heartbeat, a fiery pain shoots up from your limbs to your spine. You feel that you're starting to fall. You open your mouth to scream but no sound comes out. It's like you're in a bottomless pit of pain and hopelessness. The futher you fall, the further the pain is piercing it's way up your body. It's like you're in a place where you can hear nothing, see nothing and feel nothing. Like you're in air, with gravity pushing you down, and you have a long way to fall. The fire shooting up your leg becomes so unbearable that you start sreaming. But no one helps. It's like you're alone, lonely. Then you wake up, realising you just had a bad dream. but your perspiration makes it hard to close your eyes and pretend nothing happened. It's terrible. It's not something you can use words to describe.

tada.

2009-06-03T22:44:00.004+08:00

Today was second day of art. Today was more tedious, With Zhao Wei who kept bullying me and JunXian who kept insulting me. And Eileen who kept pushing all the work needed to be done to me. And KentKhoo who accused me of doing something.
We started off with teacher trying to help me with our idea. Then we started with making the pillar of our sculpture. Then Zhao Wei kept coming over to our table to kajiao. LoL. And Eileen overturned the mini pail of water, which I laughed continuously at her. Eileen went that crazy mode again, and Zhao Wei was like " Delphine, when councillor meeting comes, you're dead." LOL. Eileen was like ordering him to help us take the slabs of new clay. And he refused at first. And when the clay was taken over to our table *thanks to ZhaoWei, cause Eileen refused to budge* Eileen didn't want to touch it cause she said it was slimy. So I started making it first. Then Eileen helped. And ZhaoWei took some of our clay to try making a VooDoo doll, which turned out really horrible that he crushed it. HAHA. Then he did the Grave tablet, *R.I.P* and I went to carve his name at the back. (: Afterall, it belonged to him.
Then at I dont know what time, Jasper came into our clay group location, and he sat down indirectly beside me, cause ZhaoWei was beside me. Then Jun Xian for a reason I'm not sure of, kept calling me Dolphin. And Jasper started that too. And ZhaoWei just sat there laughing. Then I started taking the mini sculpture knife, and Jasper went "小孩子不要玩刀" I was like " OI. I not small kid. And you also shouldn't play with it. " Eileen started saying ZhaoWei had a low maturity level. Not long later, she went to the Metal group location there, to finish up our sculpture rings cause it cannot be made from clay. Then Zhao Wei sat down beside me, and broke my model. And I scolded him saying him a senior citizen. And he said I contradict!!! OMG. Eileen said you were a toddler-like, I said you were an oldman-like. HAHA. So no contradiction here. And I started scolding him Low IQ. He later on, used that to keep insulting me. Saying what stupid people dont talk to smart people. As if that wasn't enough, cause Eileen was away, I was the main focus of being bullied. JunXian and Jasper and ZhaoWei all gang up on me. Each in turn insulting me in a different way.
Then when it was pack-up time, Eileen was still not back. So I had to pack up alone. I called ZhaoWei to help me but he didn't want. That was one example of a bad senior. Never help the junior who is in need of help. HAHA. Then I tried managing it alone. I called JunXian to help me he also dont want. This shows that one has to depend on oneself to survive. Independency. HAHA. Who cares, not me at least. Then Eileen came back, sculpture still not finished. Saded. Then we packed up together.
Then we were dismissed. Eileen called me to help her carry her bag cause she needed to ask for help from the male teacher. So I went to carry her bag. Then Joel purposely went to stand in front of me, and Eileen's bag accidentally knocked into him. SO he said " 大嫂！你故意站在我的前面把书包撞到我！" It's so 'zzz' can? Then Kent go insult me. And said something super unpleasent to the ear for me. Spoil my pure reputation. LOL. Okay, whatever. I guess joel and gang also didn't catch what he said.
Went out of school with Eileen. And Dm was like walking out of school but I didn't notice. Then mum called so I picked up the phone. And Dm was like " Why are you using the phone in front of me?" Scare me. Luckily, he walked away. HAHA.
Then I went to cross the road. JunXian came out with his friend, and said " Eh.Why this dolphin can walk. Not swim?" I didn't have anything to insult him back.So sad. I'm at a disadvantage. LOL.
Okay whatever. My sister is like rushing me to quickly go to sleep. Well, I predict Eileen isn't going to school tomorrowto finish up my project.So like her.
Byes!

2009-06-02T15:17:00.004+08:00

Is it true that your mirror image is always total opposite of you? I look perfect in there. Perhaps I would enjoy living there. It beats living in the real world.
You wake up in the night, screaming. You cover your tear-streamed face with your trembling hands, and apprehend that you have been crying. Hugging your legs close to your chest, the cool air still escapes in the gaps inbetween. You realise the night air is so cold. Colder than your dreams. You feel lonely. No one seems to understand what you are feeling. You try hard to bottle it all up, but you uncontrollably break down into incessant sobs. You start crying, for all the times you tried to cry but stopped because you know you have to be strong. Your sobs are muffled under the pillow. Even when you cry, you think of others, not wanting to wake them up and worry about you. Is that what you really want? Is that how you should go on with your pathetic life? It's worse than your nightmare.

You're living a in a nightmare.

What the freak?! I cant believe this. I lost to cedric in ranking and level. Cedric Ng. I'm so going to aim to win you for the upcoming common test. You just wait. RAA.

Today was art workshop. LOL. Teacher call me go, but my name also not on the list. Wahaha. Eileen and I attended it, but she was bonkers today. She went around loony-ing people, making some others think she really is crazy. HAHA.
Elvis went around taking photos. HAHA. At first come kajiao me, then he went over to Kent. And Kent so pekchek, call him to go kajiao me (: LOL.
But aw, sad. I have to finish the project by tomorrow cause I'm flying off on the fourth. And I can predict Eileen isn't going to work on it herself. ._.
Going of to facebook. buh-byes!

2009-05-30T21:17:00.004+08:00

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny.. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they Want.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative..May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.

ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19)

Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20)

Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20)

Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable But needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.

CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22)

Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.

LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22)

Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. (oh, really?) Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. (yeah, like real.) Easy to talk to. Hard to please. (ahem. I'm easy to please ._. ) Harsh. ( I'm lenient. LOL.) Practical and very fussy. Often shy. (Shy isn't really something to describe me.) Pessimistic. (I'm an optimist!)

LIBRA - The Harmonizer(Sept 23 - Oct 22)

Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.

SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.

2009-05-30T21:14:00.002+08:00

This is really sweet........

When a Girl is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a Girl is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a Girl looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a Girl answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a Girl stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a Girl lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a Girl wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a Girl says ' I love you ' ... she means it.
When a Girl says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person....

Find a Guy ...
who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

2009-05-29T20:17:00.003+08:00

Got this from someone's blog.

01. Who was your last text from? -Elvis
02. Where was your default picture taken? -At home.
03. Your relationship status? -Single.
04. Have you ever lost a close friend? -Nope.
05. What is your current mood? -Amused.
06. How many siblings do you have? -1.
07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names? -Sister:Daphne Poh Wan Teng
08. Where do you wish you were right now? -In my room, mass smsing people.
09. Have a crazy side? -Yeah. You wouldn't regconise me.
10. Ever had a near death experience? -Considered.
11. Something you do a lot? -Go around laughing and influencing people to laugh too.
12. Angry at anyone? -Who else but that bummer.
13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like? -The girl he likes.
14. When was the last time you cried? -I cant remember. It'd been a long time since tears could form at my eyes.
15. Is there anyone you would do anything for? -I hope there still is.
16. What do you think about when you are falling asleep? -My music
17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? -My mum.
18. What is your favorite song? -Currently : To love you more by Celine Dion
19. What are you doing right now? -Ain't it obvious? Blogging.
20. Who do you trust right now? -Eileen. Cedric. And mostly myself.
21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? -Cotton on.
22. Have you kissed someone in the past week? -Nope.
23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you? -HoHuiMin
24. Describe your life in one word. -Prodigious
25. Who are you thinking of right now? -If I'd say it's him, it would be a politically right answer. But that isn't answer. Until this question had been asked, I didn't realise I wasn't thinking of anyone at all.
26. What should you be doing right now? -Using the computer, like I am doing.
27. What are you listening to? -To love you more by Celine Dion
28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug? -I dont remember.
29. Who was the last person who yelled at you? -Him.
30. Do you act differently around the person you like? -No I dont. That's hypocritical. If he likes me, he should accept the real me.
31. What is your natural hair color? -Natural black + dark brown.
32. Who was the last person to make you laugh? -Jasmine.
33. Who was the last person to make you sad? -I dont think there is any I can remember.
34. What do you hear? -Song.
35. Is your hair curly or straight? -Straight.
36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before? -Yeah.
37. Do you have a best friend? Yeah.
38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days? Nope.
39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer? Yes. It helps to cover up.
40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yep.
41. Are you happy with life right now? Enjoy life when you can.
42. Are you currently jealous? I hopw I'm not.
43. What jewelry are you currently wearing? Earings.
44. What were you doing on friday night? Watching telly.
45. Have you ever had your heart broken? Yeah.
46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?Yeah.
47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? Yes. And I'm VERY disappointed.
48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for? High Fever.
49. How late did you stay up last night and why? 12.30a.m. I was doodling on my notebook.
50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Nope.
51. Who are the five people you want to see do this quiz? Eileen, Claudia, Eileen, Claudia, Eileen (:

2009-05-29T19:07:00.003+08:00

I went blog hopping and found this story interesting..

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has With GOD , the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent )
Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella.Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer)
Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?
(Student had no answer)
Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD , Tasted your GOD , Smelt your GOD ? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't..
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )
Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat.But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.There is no such thing as Cold.Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.We cannot Measure Cold.Heat is Energy.Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something.You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of itNow tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )
Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The Class was in Uproar )
Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
(The Class broke out into Laughter )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .No one appears to have done so.So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?
(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)
Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

That student was Albert Einstein.

There are millions of questions yet to be answered.

2009-05-29T18:55:00.003+08:00

I realised. Love is so much like a game. You win some, you lose some. Why does the loser have to be sore and bitter? Why does this kind of feeling even exist? It isn't a crime to like someone. But why. Rumours spread, and spoil the good relations. He thought i like him. And that he thought I like the other him. And so on. They're just rumours. Just RUMOURS. I'm disappointed. It's not the first time this had happened. Dont you know your words could hurt me? Have you ever spared a thought for me? Is it wrong to like someone? I guess we all need to cool down. Remember I once told you, I would never want another guy like you? Well, I'm going to take my words back. Cause I'd never want a guy unlike you.

APPLE AND CHOCOLATE! (:

2009-05-29T17:38:00.006+08:00

Oh wow. This is my 300 post. And it's going to be all about my crazy day I had in school today, during meet-the-parents session.
Well, it started off with me going off to school at my usual time. And when I walked to class, I realised no girls were in class yet. So I rushed off to the toilet to hide. When I emerged out, Rachelle and SinNee was in class already. Life-saver (:
Then it was councillor duty. I was "free-roaming" so I took parents to classes, if they didn't know the way. Then Jasper came and called me to take over ayaka's duty at 2A, cause they had their IPW presentation. So I went to 2A and stood outside the class and did my duty. Then Jasmine and Jun Xian came down. Then they started chatting and before I knew it I was chatting with them too. Then Jun Xian went off, dont ask me why, I dont know. Jasmine started to go on about things that polluted my pure mind. And we started the topic about condoms flavours and why it had taste. Jasmine said that was cause for *ahemahem* purpose, let them taste. HAHA. Then she started going on topics that really dirtied my mind and made me think naughty. *tsktsktsk*
Suddenly, she asked me what was my chinese name. I told her, and asked her what was her surname. She said Corpuz, but I heard as compass and thought she was joking with me. LOL. So I started calling her compass. Then she went off to go to the class she was in charge of. Shortly after, ayaka came back to take over her duty, so I went down to find Rachelle. Then we went up to our class to "slack". I realised my position in class and level. It's terrible and lousy, as far as I know. Then jasmine came, and suddenly kept calling me dolphin. So I called her compass her back. ANd we kept alling each other names. And she kept insulting me. LOL.
Then she and me went off to 2A, to go find her classmates. On the way, we saw Ms nancy kang. And Jasmine greeted super loudly(: Ms kang asked " did you have lunch? " THen Jasmine answered "yes." Then we headed off to her class and her classmates were outside the class. So we started chatting and Jasmine called my dolphin again so I called her compass again. And then jasper and jun xian were like " Haha. Dolphin. " and then that became my replaced name. LOL.
Then Zhen Hong came and tell us it was lunch time, so I pulled Jasmine up to get my bag first. And the 2 J's(I lazy type their names) were going " why you going up. Lunch not on top leh. It's below. " Then I burst into peals of laughter. We explained the situation and went to get my bag and call rachelle down. Then when we were reaching the canteen, Jasper and JunXian came down from the spiral staircase. Haha. Both of them went to get their bags too. Then Jasper was giving out lunch packet, and loony jasmine took it and said " 谢谢，老公。" And I knew she was joking but couldn't withstand my laughter and freaking laughed at his reaction and at what Jasmine had said. Until she insulted me for being short. *pouting* Lunch was rice with curry chicken(ewww curry?!), chilli fishcake(Spicy like a damn hell lot) and cabbage (soggy).
After eating finish, we went to couns room, which was the store room? LOL. We reflected on some things. And I and Jasmine had laughed at something the guy behind me said. He kept going " You put, you put" He didn't get to finish cause he kept getting interupted. And we freaking kept laughing at his words. Cause we heard it was " you POOT, you POOT". Furthermore he said it frekaingingly lot of times. So we laughed and laughed. And the 2 J's guys kept looking at us and thought we were mad. Haha. Perhaps we are.
After the meeting ended, Jasmine went to buy malt candy and we roamed the school. LOL. And in the duration, I realised she had a 老公. (: Someone in basketball. Haha. I never get to see his face before. Awwww. Haha. Then I 陪-ed her sign out, 陪-ed her walk out of school, and 陪-ed her to bus top and finally 陪-ed her to wait for bus. Then when I went in, I lent Eileen's handphone to call mum. Afterwards, I stood on one side. Then the 2 J's and his group of friends came. And the girl guides there were like ka-jiao-ing them. LOL. I laughed like hell. time passed, 2.35 came and I went to the bus-stop opposite to wait for my mum. And she came, met teacher.
I got bad remarks. Friggin' hell. Talkative is a crime? At least I never get last in class, for goodness sake. Do you have to use such a big word -loquacious?! That made me so pek-chek I became super frustrated with her. Yeah, right.
Oh whatever. Nothing else to blog about already.

It's always like that..

2009-05-26T19:27:00.004+08:00

There are moments in life, where you're just caught up in something, an instant attraction, and then you cant imagine what you were thinking, and give th same set of circumstances you wouldn't react like that the second time.
There are times in life when you know you're making a decision that may irrevocably change the course of your entire life, in a catastrophic, cataclysmic, and utterly unforseeable way.

It's not worth it.

2009-05-25T21:00:00.005+08:00

Seriously. I'm not angry. Really. Is it worth it to make me lose me temper over such worthless things? I cant remember the friggin' last time we chatted. A week ago? Or no, 2 weeks ago? Please. If you want to stop this, at least inform me, cant you? So that I can be mentally prepared to know I can ignore you like how you will do to me. Perhaps I was the one in the wrong. Things went out of control. Was it fate that things ended up so ugly? I couldn't help but wince. What mattered more that our relation? I thought it was for the best. But I realised I always made the wrong choices.

若要爱，那就不能怕伤痕。

2009-05-25T20:11:00.007+08:00

I'm looking for a changed change. Getting rid of thoses odious memories ; I have done that. *guffaws* I used to write your name all over my book. Everything was supposed, in the past. Why do we only learn how to treasure someone when they're gone? How I wish, when I looked up from crying my eyes out, the western sky would blaze vermilion as if drenched in the blood of the night. For goodness sake, you should be drowned to put me out of my misery.

Cedric Ng Jing Heng should slam his head with Kwa Xin An (:

Cedric pushed me like super hard. And it hurts. So if you Cedric, see this post, better feel guilty!!!
Today was some concert. Lazy to go into details since everyone was there. During the last few contestants singing for BPian idol, I and eileen felt bored, so we went back to class to get our bags. Then Cedric and Marcus were meddling with the door, Cedric the back door and Marcus the front. Then I and Eileen were trying to open it. Then Marcus started wetting tissue papers and throwing at us. And I got one at my shirt. Then he was quick, he shut all the windows, so I couldn't throw back in time. I got frustrated, so I stood there staring at Cedric, hands crossed. Then XinAn came and ka jiao me. He went to turn the lock open one time. Cause our door lock need to be turned two times to open. THen Cedric didn't know XinAn had opened one time, and he went to open another time. And I barged in. Then he was trying to push me away to keep Eileen out. Pain.
After school, I, Eileen Claudia and Rebecca went to Pizza Hut. Chatted, then went back home. I dont understand why my bus is always so long. *sighs*

I let out a strangled cry. Well, you dont get it that I wouldn't have needed to do it that way if you hadn't been so pig-headed all that time. You didn't ask me how I felt and I was the victim, hello? All you did was shout and criticise me. You dont listen to me. You never do. Each step I took, all I heard was " It's all your fault. It's all your fault. " How is it possible one person could make me the happiest person one moment and the most miserable the next? Didn't you realise? It's always about you. You you and still you. Selfish brat. Spare a thought for other people, wont you?

Why is my world spinning like a top?

2009-05-24T16:09:00.004+08:00

This is freakishly boring. My routine for almost everyday is: Wake up, eat, watch tv, eat, watch tv, eat, sleep. I think I'm going to become a fat pig in that way.
I cant think of any freaking thing to post about. If I had the mood, perhaps this post would be something with a lot of alien words, or another post about what happened on 22nd may. But I'm not in the mood. Just thinking about being restricted from the computer, puts me off. And it just unfortunately kills all my desires to post anything interesting. So I shall just sign off here, in case I bore you guys any further.

Drown in your lies, please.

2009-05-20T17:18:00.003+08:00

OMG. Today we had interhouse games. -Floorball and we won. Both teams of 202 girls won! My team(group1) was first, second 202 group 2 (:
I and Mariana were defenders(but Mariana more of running here and there), Sherye was mid-fielder, SinNee was goaler, Gigi & farhanah striker.

First match
We were against 201 team 1.
This was slack. Quite slack compared to the consequence teams.
I seriously forgot the score for this first match.

Second match
We were against 2A (idk what team).
They were good. Their defense, was tough. Striking was as good.
There was a time when I and another 2A member were chasing for the ball, and I think she accidentally tripped and slammed into me, then I slammed into the netball post. My thigh just crushed into the netball post and the whole netball post toppled onto the ground. Everyone asked if I was okay. "Not okay." But I still continued.
Score: 2-1

THird match
We were against 205 (idk what team). I dont really know what the bloody hell is wrong with this group, but there was this girl who kept injuring me. I was defencing the ball for my life, and there was one tall one who just shoved me towards the ground. I couldn't get my balance, so they scored that one goal. (Bloody freak. Frigging hell. I dont know why I let them get in one goal. zzz. I'm such a failure.) That was how I got the graze on my knee, which hurted a damned-frigggin-hell lot.
Then,I got another smack on my ankle, which temporary left a huge red impact there, with two horizontal lines, cause I was striked by two different sticks by two different people.
As if those bruises I gained wasn't enough, the strikers were rushing for the ball and it flew towards my side. I went to push it away, but I got scratched in my right arm. and it was a RED BLOODY scar there. Kanasai la. Super rough. Then I told Sin Nee they played rough, so I was going to pay them back in their own coin. Tit for Tat.
It's simple in this world. Like in the jungle, it's a dog eat dog world. No one gives in, no one softens. The ones who does those, will eventually lose out.
No difference, though.
score 3-1 I think, with 'o2 team 1 leading.

Fourth match
We were against our own class, second team. Sherye was telling me, " this match is a must-win. Jiayous! ". Combining all my energy left, we started the oh-not-so 'friendly match' . It was harsh. I dont bear to play rough with my own classmates. Retarded. we were leading at first, 3-0. Then Aida got in one goal cause I ran too far away from the goalpost. Then we replaced the 3-1 to 4-1, with 'o2 team 1 leading. Hard job. In the end, our team won.
Score:4-1

Note: Did I tell you how pro SinNee is at defending? There was one time there was a foul, so the opposing team was allowed a penalty shot. But SinNee sucessfully hit it out. Cool, right?

I cant believe you. I dont want to buy your story anymore.

Cause' after all these incidents, and the rumours that are building up one on another, how do you expect me to place my trust in you any further? We had a bet, didn't we? You gave me your word of honour. You sweared. You made it sound so real. You brainwashed me into believing you that you had not broken the bet and, would not till it was over. But you broke it secretly, and didn't let me find out. What kind of a friend are you, you hypocrite? I trusted you. I dont believe this. How can you be so blind to not see the truth all this while? You're only using him for your social circle, are you not? I cant believe you chose the wrong thing all the while. Or perhaps you're just flaunting that you're better than others. But to spread rumours? You're a huge bitch. Seriously. Why did you have to spread fake things about someone else? Are you jealous of that someone about your position and impression in other people's eyes that you have to be such a big bitch? Or do you just love to break up friendships? Or perhaps you're afraid that someone might just oneday snatch away your place. You poltroon. Pusillanimity drowns you, right?

CURSES CURSES CURSES

2009-05-19T20:06:00.004+08:00

Feel like scolding the friggin' shit who made me seriously pissed.

You repugnant worm. Just as pestiferous like a barking mad femaledog(a B-I-T-C-H). You are seriously honoured. Do you know that the word 'execrable' describes you in the dictionary? Little dumb earthworm that eats shit which is YOU, with your grisly face, you scare everyone off. You run like a pig(external looks). So slow. Dont do something which is definitely not up to your kind of standard. People are higher in standards than you. Be it in hygiene, appearance, speed or anything and everything. I'm daring, that's my middle name. Dont try and "threaten" me with stupid and dumb things that only pull your standard even lower to the height or negative (infinity). Cause I'm not afraid. At least I call you to go ahead and do the childish thing of yours, to complain to your mummy with your curlyPIGtail behind your ass like a mommy girl. At most I'd get really fecking pissed off at you flawFUL sow.
(OMG MY MOM IS FECKING SCOLDING ME TAHT I'M GOING TO FLARE AT HER AND I THINK ALL MY VULGARITIES ARE GOING TO POP OUT. I"M FRIGGIN TRYING SO BLOODLY HARD TO STOP THAT.)
And when I get really pissed, with people who are so worthless of me getting pissed at, you'd never know when I'd strike. I might just land you in deep trouble. In minor cases, I might hurl vulgarities in your bloody UGLY face and call you a pig? Or I might make you sound really worthless. Things like : " Take a look, a serious GLARE in the FRIGGIN mirrow, not just a peep that I know you ----- would do cause you are too afraid of seeing your real self. " or " For you to go back into the olden days, people would think you're a monster. Like ZhuBaJie. " Well, I dont use major cases often, so I dont really have a good example. Well, "throwing our mathematics textbook in your bloody fat face " will be a good example. Or just "slamming your table onto the ground and all your books tumbling out".
I know it's kind of retarded. It's even more retarded to come and belittle me, girl. I dont like to curse people. I dont like it as a habit. SO DONT TRY YOUR FRIGGIN" SHIT ON ME.

Phew. So much better talking to Dr. Kwa XinAn just now on another matter.

-Delphine;傅琬晴;Um - ist ; miss nocturna了 ; shark-phine says:*better
*haha
*wow. so much better
*(:
*Thanks man
Xin An® Xinanist™ God damn it Don't let them say you ain't beautiful says:
*np
*i'm doctor kwa
-Delphine;傅琬晴;Um - ist ; miss nocturna了 ; shark-phine says:
*LOL!
*Dr. Kwa.
*wow.
Xin An® Xinanist™ God damn it Don't let them say you ain't beautiful says:
*psychiatrist in training
-Delphine;傅琬晴;Um - ist ; miss nocturna了 ; shark-phine says:
*LOL!
*can I get an mc?
*(:
Xin An® Xinanist™ God damn it Don't let them say you ain't beautiful says:
*cannot
-Delphine;傅琬晴;Um - ist ; miss nocturna了 ; shark-phine says:
*why not ):
Xin An® Xinanist™ God damn it Don't let them say you ain't beautiful says:
*o not fully certified yet
*i*
-Delphine;傅琬晴;Um - ist ; miss nocturna了 ; shark-phine says:
*Dr Kwa is a bad doctor
Xin An® Xinanist™ God damn it Don't let them say you ain't beautiful says:
*lol
*i still training
*cannot give mc
*you want mc
*need find someone more senior

Getting things off my mind really makes me better. Thanks anyway, Doctor KwaXinAn who is still in training.

I hate everything. I need an explaination badly.

2009-05-19T18:29:00.003+08:00

I cant use words to encapsulate my effervescent feeling yet woebegone look when I got back my different examinations results. Truth to be told ; this semester's results was really, horribly, catastrophically rotten. I did atrociously unsatisfactory except for a few subjects. But there isn't really much of a difference. I couldn't bear to look at my script which I had failed for physics with a D7(19/40), which I had topped the class with a few other smart ones last term(18/20). I couldn't swallow the fact either when I realised I had an A1(82.5/110) in the english test. I couldn't believe it when I realised that I had passed my chinese test iwth a C5(56.1/100). This is so pathetic. I betted with Eileen for all our subjects. I won her in Geography(42.5/60) and English. However, she won in Chinese(as if I could win) and Science(I was disappointed like shit). We only had our mathematics paper 2 back. So commiserable, lamentable. Paper 1, the most important paper was still in teacher's hands. Our Literature paper is also with our lit teacher, who so co-incidently got an mc on that day we were SUPPOSED to collect back our friggin' Literature paper. How contemporary it was.

Truth to be told.
I didn't know when I started with that single lie, I had to multiply it up to cover it up and consequence ones.I didn't realise I was practically being like an imbecile. I didn't realise because of what I had, people around me were trying to find ways to evince me. I didn't know when I gainsaid, people were secretly ~~promulgating~~ me. I trusted you. I did it with all my heart.
But why is the world just so hypocritical? There are things even I myself dont understand at all.
I antipathied you. I felt like upbraiding you and throwing you into hell. I altercated with you. I eschewed you.I didn't understand why you betrayed me. What exactly did I do wrong? It's broken.
Our friendship, made of glass, is broken.
It has shattered. It broke into pieces when the truth was told. When everything was revealed, I realised I hd been a fool all along.
Those pieces of glass shards pierced into me but I didn't feel the pain. I felt numb. I was numb.

Every breath I took in reminded me of the times we sat side by side ; breathing in the air.
Every heartbeat I heard reminded me of our past, where our joyful memories were still present.
Every tear I dropped reminded me of the day and time you left me, leaving the big chunk of mess behind.
Every laughter I hear reminds me of the jokes we shared, when we found it funny cause no one thought it was.

There are things in the world I just odnt understand.

2009-05-18T20:32:00.004+08:00

I dont get this world. It's just full of hypocrisy.
There are things in the world I just dont understand. There are people who's minds cannot be read. There are a few who just are so cunning. I want to believe that it's purely a rumour. Those rumours, where ignorant people spread around, cause they dont know the truth from the fake. But when reality rubbernecks me hard in the face, I realise I can do nothing, except from accepting the fact. Withal, accepting the austere fact was like acquiescing a bucket of icy cold water being doused right into my face. I thought it was over long ago.

I believed.

I forgot.

I trusted.

Yet, you have to put us, or rather, her through all these lies again.
Weren't you disclosing the truth when you confided in her?
Weren't you repentant when you gainsaid about them?
Weren't those truths truths?
But afterall those, perhaps it was all a lie. A lie to grieve over what you had forgotten to do in the past. A thing that was regretted by you, the mastermind, and that you was so disobliging to give up that you had to try it on someone else.
I dont see the purpose of all that.
I dont see any use of the hypocrisy here.
I dont see your real self.
I dont see whatever you want us to see.
I dont see anything, or perhaps everything that you're doing to try and spoil what we cherish.
Just stop it, will you?

It's uberly atrocious.

It's uberly dumb.

It's uberly puerile.

It's uberly stupid.

It's uberly childish.

It's uberly naive.

It's uberly vexatious.

It's uberly implausible.

Life is an illusion that lasts too short.

2009-05-16T14:04:00.005+08:00

I do think of you. All the time, rather. I miss you, but the more I miss you, the more I restrict myself in not seeing you as much as I desire. Sure, we never talk. You'e just never there. But when we are, you just keep quiet. It's just like being with a robot. There's just no one to talk to. Compassion tempered with my anger. I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to hurl things at you.

" What did you think It was like waiting? Never knowing. Waiting for the damned phone to ring and get my latest news. This isn't the sort of thing that you take off your mind easily. It's not like a test in school, neither is a like a trip to a dentist. Yes. It upsets me. It does. But I've got to be a part of this. Cause I'm a part of this. "

I knew. Truth was the most important basis for any relationship. Without truth, there can be no trust. And without trust, there can be no love.
I didn't tell you the truth. I told myself it didn't matter. All that counted was the present and us being together. I didn't find it hard to keep the promise I made in my head. It was very very easy. In my mind, I invented a ' happily ever after ' . I lived a dream. And for a while, I was a happy fool.

15.05.09
Today was mathematics examinations. Practically 4 marks have flown past due to my negligence. What a extremely sad case.
After school, we had photo taking. I was right at right side. We had two formal photos taken. Then later on, it was informal. The camera man did something which I dont know if I was considered lucky or ill-omened since no one had the same chance. He called me to sit in the middle, where Mrs Lim last sat. Which so co-incidently, on my left was Daryl & SinNee at the right. Then the cameraman told us to squeeze. Gave ZhiWei a chance to take vengeance on me. He squashed Daryl against me, and SinNee jammed me into Daryl. Even my head wasn't spared. Eileen & Sherye sure had a damn good time pressing there 'peace' signs on my head. Whatever.
Later on, we went to bugis and walked like crazy to a I don't know where place. I seriously have no idea. Then, we ate buffet. I and Eileen ate the most. We had fun playing with the ice cream. the 'fried' ice-cream. I had good skills, as said by Claudia & Rebecca. I pushed the ice-cream in a spiral roll as always. (almost) XD

16/05/09

So bored. Today had 2 hours of science tuition. Going to doze off already. Shall get back if I have the time. Haha.

2009-05-11T12:33:00.003+08:00

Everytime I reach for you, you slip through my fingers like a bar of squishy, intoxicated soap. Animosity surrounds me now, yet contradicting is the fact that I'm actually taking it in quite well.

Today is a holiday, at least, for our school. Though I dont see the need of having an extra holiday when we could just finish up the fecking examinations which are already starting to get on my nerves. I studied hard for the whole day, almost. I'm so super duper fecking stressed by all these series of events already. I dont exacty visually see the need to study for examinations. I dont know if I'm pressurised or if I'm like that all along, I start imagining things, like how does death feels, or what will happen after I lose blood. Fecking pissed. Even if there was a storm, it wouldn't change anything. It's all a foregone conclusions.

"TMD".

This is terribly odious. Do some people see and think out of the box and actually get how abominable this is? Loathsome lithe memories. Utterly detestable wouldn't be the words I'd use to describe them. I know you've seen and experienced those execrable times. At first we were like, 'intoxicating'. But I jolly well knew it was never going to last. As if anything lasts. Fatalism of the world, ain't it. It just sucks.

Inside me was a Del I dont know. I couldn't dress her up. I couldn't make her take a bath. She wouldn't mix with the pleasant society. I couldn't corral a single one of her thoughts. My only hope was that she wouldn't suddenly sprout a mouth. She was a bloodthirsty primitive little savage.

And she hated red.

Obsession.

2009-05-08T16:19:00.005+08:00

First Love - th joy ; the excitement ; th tingles . Nothing can be compared to it.
But nothing lasts , do they ? That's the fatalistic view of life , " Things come and go " . Then it ends.
The sheer pain of it all ? Nothing can be compared to it either.
Once upon a time , there was a girl.
Once upon a time , that moment was when a little girl's world ended.
Once upon a time , there was another girl before me. The old me decided to let her go when I lost it.
Once upon a time , there was a girl. But now there's a new one. There is always a new one.
Once upon a time , when the new me was born, the ' once upon a time girl ', that far away long ago me , disappeared. She became a story. One I have mostly forgotten. One I cant end cause she died a long time ago.

I want to run but I cant. I just cant. I tried and it didn't work. It never works. Everyday I'm an open sore, a walking scream, and it doesn't matter anymore. No one sees me. I want to run but I know thre is nowhere for me to go.

If I'd had learn to let go, why am i still so unhappy? I tried to stop the feeling. I tried to put an end to that obsession cause I knew nothing would come out of it and I was facing a dead end, at least, not till you noticed my feelings. But whenever I saw you, I was like a metal that was being attracted to you, a magnet. The feeling was as strong like how you felt for her and it wouldn't stop and I, couldn't put a stop to it. I wanted to see you happy, cause seeing you cheerful and carefree, is the real guy I knew from the start and the one I liked. Even to the extent, I beared with it. I tried to pair you up with the girl you like, cause I know that's when you would really appreciate and talk to me. But seeing you laugh with her more than you do with me, my heart cannot stop wincing beneath me. Pings of jealousy would rise within me when I saw you grinning from ear to ear with her.

Happy Birthday, ZhiWei ah'pa! May your wishes come true!
And Happy Birthday to Ng WeiXuan!! (:

image OVERLOAD!!

2009-05-03T17:40:00.006+08:00

I dont get me. I feel out of place recently, what's wrong with me exactly? It seems that when the world in front of you turns dark, nothing matters anymore. It seemed that the more steps I take, the further I'm drawing myself into the impending darkness of doom. What's the problem exactly?
*sighs*Today, we went to the Bird Park. It'd been such a long time since we had went there, that I had almost forgotten what kind of birds are located there. *LOL*
I'm so tired, I'd rather lat the pictures talk. (:

Sighs. Enough for today. Bye bye. Shall update those photos another time (:

2009-04-29T18:45:00.003+08:00

I just couldn't stop it. I just couldn't control. That's me. I didn't want to jerk back, I swear. But I just can't see the light like you do, by the methods you use to make others do your bidding. I don't fancy the methods you use, to get what you want either. Don't you feel ~~apologetic~~ at times at all? Cause, no. You don't seem so to me. If you were a bit nicer, a bit more polite, no one would hold it against you. Just think. Violence. Bloody hell. It's making me pissed even more. Awesome. Really impressive. I wonder if your brain is actually normal; is it even humane? Any bloody fool could see that a girl like me, wouldn't be able to win a guy, much more, a guy like you. Well, you're right. Violence is your KEY to win. Gosh, what stunning logic. Guess what. You may look great in some eyes, but that, pathetically, doesn't last. Wonder why they listen to you? That's actually cause they can't afford to anger you. I know I may be hated now by you. I know I may be picked on by you, starting from the day I started going against you by whatever you do. It's not that I dont mind. I do mind. But I'm not going to do anything about it. It's a fact that we do not click, and I'm not going to change that fact. Afterall, who was I to do so?

Just control yourself,
and everything would be under control.

I dont get you. Whatever you do, whatever you say. You confuse me, even by explaining. Is it you, or just me complicating things up? Everything seemed to be so simple before. Those who are around me now, seem to have a motive for being there. I dont know what's with me. But that's the truth isn't it? I'm a good source of 'backer' for things people want but lazy to get. I dont get it. I'm not an item you use when you want, and chuck aside when you get tired of it.

2009-04-28T16:19:00.003+08:00

故事 -该怎么写才能不像寂寞。
对话 -该怎么说表情才不难过。

相遇和认识，无非只是我们的巧合。

恰好的时间里面我们遇见了。

恰好的时间里面我们离开了。

AHHH. English examinations was terrible. The compo I believe I had screwed it. Whereas, the letter writing is definitely S-C-R-E-W-E-D! ._. SAD.

For paper two, I finished it in 35 minutes. HAHA. Faster than Rebecca and Eileen at last. I was there, "shaking leg" and I saw Michelle had ALREADY finished. She is super duper fast la. I think she finished it within 30 minutes. I rested and dozed off. When I woke up, only 15 minutes passed. I slept again and woke up at 12. But Still had 20 more minutes to go, so I raised my hand to ask for permission to get out of the classroom to go to toilet. WHen I was there, there was this teacher, i think, outside the toilet. I think she is invigilating the toilet?! I dont know, seriously. But when I came out from the staff toilet (I used that cause the toilet had no toilet paper), she was gone. LOL. Perhaps I had imagined her. I went back and slept again, for 5 minutes only. ._. So sad nap time. THen I gave up sleeping and started to doodle on my extra piece of paper. HAHA.

So boring today. Retarded piece of shit~